Merry Novemberween

(This post has been sitting here as a draft for a year, so I'm just going to post it. It's a compilation of some of my status updates on facebook.)

I'm laying in bed while my roommates are watching pirates downstairs. This must be how recovering heroine addicts feel like.

I would eat a zombie's brain solely for the irony.

I just put the "please hold" music on hold. Give them a little taste of their own medicine. See how THEY like it!

Totally just fell asleep while getting my hair cut...

You know... I'd rather be a star bellied sneetch, cuz they are WAY cooler...

I hate it when people use facebook to complain about how other people use facebook. ;)

I figured it out, the antonym of Christmas is cleaning checks

Got my identity stolen today. Hope they make better use of it than I did, but the $200 soap.com transaction tells me I won't get the Nobel prize anytime soon.

A principle that has made its self manifest to me time and time again is: sk8 or die. You might think that's a little extreme, but SERIOUSLY. think about it...

In my experience, Easter bunny poo tastes better than any other competing brand.

Why are they always advertising 'oil free' acne washes? Are there companies actually PUTTING oil into their formula? I think it's a pretty well known fact that rubbing oil all over your face doesn't actually... HELP your acne. They might as well advertise other ingredients that aren't in there as well! "Sulfuric acid free acne wash!" "Molten LAVA free acne wash" "This face wash won't KILL YOU if you use it!"

If there's one regret in my life, its the fried pot pie-bologna-rice I ate.

You know its time to leave when the cops tell you to leave...

Just watched an ant drag a fly across the tile and it made me think about life... could I pull a grizzly bear to school? Long story short, I crushed the ant out of spite...

Lesson for today is: don't buy any frozen burrito cheaper than western family. They are "no bueno" if you catch my drift.

That's weird, someone just paid me 5 bucks for being nice... I feel like some sort of hooker...