Monday, September 20, 2010

King of the Playground

Well we’re all starting to get back to the swing of life… During summer break we had the opportunity to “jump out” of our swings. With a nice temporary rush from flying thru the air, coming to a climatic crash with the ground. But now it’s time to jump back on, start pumping again, and work our way back up to our repetitive lives.

Some of you might not be quite there. Some of you might still be immature and are swinging on your stomachs. Which seemed like a good idea at first, but you soon realize that all your blood has rushed to your head, and you’re starting to feel sick.

Remember those good ol’ elementary recess days? Swings… monkey bars… SLIDES!
You know I think that these were all failed attempts of our parents trying to kill their kids.

“why don’t you climb up that really tall ladder up there, and go down that metal surface with temperatures near liquid magma, and lets see if you can break the land speed record.”

That’s what we were all trying to do in our childish minds. We weren’t there to ‘have fun’ we were there to break some world records. Remember that first time down the slide?

      “you want me to do what!.... WHY!!!.... yeah you’ll catch me…right! Why should I trust you! Oh you got candy? Ok!”

Kids live on candy. When you’re a kid, nutrition is buskins. All that other food was grown up food. But KIDS… THEY ATE CANDY. Candy was OUR food. It was our medicine.
       “I’m feeling a tummy ach coming on.”
       “I recommend 1 pack of smarties!”

Smarties I’m pretty sure in every kids life was one point used as medicine.

As a kid your status in the classroom all depended on how you performed out on the field. Remember that kid that could do the back flip out of that swing? Yeah, he was cool. He could be the dorkiest kid in class. But if he pulled off that back flip. He became the new idol. He was like Anubis mated with Venus, and that’s the god that came out. The back flip god. We actually built alters to that god. Out of our soft padded gravel ground.

I want to meet the guy who invented the idea of gravel. I want to have him take a look at all the scars in my hands and knees and make him pay for all my lost childhood. Since when was using rocks to break your fall the best solution. And who decided to give us authority to have USE of these rocks. These weapons of mass destruction. I think there has been more scrapes and injuries caused by gravel then any other medium on the planet. Kids throwing it at eachother. Little Timmy is eating it in the corner. The new challenger to the land speed record on the slide makes one wrong calculation and goes flying into this buckshot called gravel….

Remember having to pick the rocks out from beneath your skin? Remember that kid who DIDN’T cry when he got hurt? Yeah he was like Ra and Aphrodite mated. A bird woman. The goddess bird of… not crying. Yeah that kid was cool. But not as cool as back flip kid. I never became backflip kid. I still envy back flip kid. Back flip kid is STILL one step higher then me.


As some of the old timers that haven't yet been offended as of yet and are still reading this probably noticed.  (that sentence receives the crappiest worded sentence award.  I don't feel like fixing it.  FIGURE IT OUT!)
This is an old post from January 14, 2007.  I was reading through some JBUDD archive and I found this and laughed.  (Is it wrong to laugh at your own stuff? IDK)

I realized that I never posted my latest movie!  This is the most professional video I've ever made.
DISCLAIMER - NOT FUNNY   (but it's interesting.) (There's two parts to it, so find the other half.  FIGURE IT OUT!)

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Recent Discoveries in JBUDDtopia

I realize that I’ve been neglecting lately the news about JBUDD, so I’m dedicating this newsletter to “Seeing the world through the eyes of JBUDD” which translates into JBUDD news.

Through my travels here at USU I’ve found many interesting discoveries and hidden things:

Discovery #1
Longest stairs

Discovery #2
Weirdest shaped desk.

I don't know who’s the genius engineer behind this masterpiece. “we want the desk to be able to be written on… BUT only on PARTS of it! Lets put random nooks and holes on it just to make life hard!

Discovery #3
Shortest drinking fountain.

I literally had to Indian sit on the floor to drink out of it. It’s like a foot off the ground! If you’re that small, I don’t think you’re going to have the muscle capacity to push that hard medal button down to make water come out…

Discovery #4
Most provocative grocery store.

Discovery #5
Creepiest elevator.

I was wandering in some of the most hidden parts of campus and I found an elevator, pushed the button and when the door opened, I was instantly petrified. I was like SCARED to go in. I’m not sure why…

Discovery #6
No matter what bathroom you walk into anywhere at a given moment, there will be at least ONE unflushed urinal.

Discovery #7
Best personal ad.

It reads, “Girlfriend turned into lord voldomort. $2000 Never worn.” I love seeing all the wedding rings on the bulletin board, cuz you KNOW every single one of them were failed attempts of proposing. I think it should be a requirement to include the story in the ad, “I THOUGHT she liked me, so I sold everything I had and bought this shiny rock, thinkin that would make her want to marry me… and apparently life’s not a Taylor Swift music video.” Tough lesson to be learned Billy… Tough lesson…

Discovery #8
Coolest shower.

This thing had 5 showerheads shooting at me. There is no WAY you can’t have a great day after that. It’s like sitting in a hot-tub without the tub, but might make for an awkward social gathering. “Hey, wanna come to my place and take a shower? NO DON’T WALK AWAY! It’s COOL I SWEAR!! It’s got FIVE heads! FIVE!” gets them every time…

Discovery #9

Heh heh heh…

Discovery #10
Best hotel shirt ever. (not that I see too many people strutting around with them  “That’s right… Best Western… That’s the only place I’ll sleep when I travel. Won’t have it any other way.”)

It reads: Rattle snake Inn: The snake awaits...

Discovery #11
I thought this was funny.

Some kids write, “we cook for girls!” hoping to get some sweet action from the babes flocking to their door to take them up on their offer. So their neighbors write, “Girls cook for US!” In hopes that these same babes will be flocking to their door! ...holding a casserole. Finally the brilliant guys below them write, “We cook girls…” and probably rolled out their 150 Gallon cauldron hoping for girls to jump in. My guess is none of their dreams became realities… Just a wild guess… or hope… “3 freshman from BYU arrested for cooking girls” That would definitely give you creeper status.

Well that’s all the discoveries I have for today. If you or your friends have any discoveries or success stories, email them to and if any of you want to receive these newsletters by email, just type your email into that little box in the top right corner of the screen.

Thanks for coming. see you all next week.

Your friend,

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