Friday, December 25, 2009

Santa Claus Caught Red Shirt-ed!

What am I doing writing on Christmas eve? Shouldn’t you be frantically waiting with anticipation for Santa to come down my non-existent chimney? Well… Santa has already been spotted… at like 10 o clock this year. He’s starting to have an earlier curfew than I remember. I walked outside this OFFICE I’m presently sitting in, and I screamed, because there he was! The old Nick himself… I heard if you see him in person that your blood BOILS and you melt to the ground and turn to dust… or was that Indiana Jones? Doesn’t matter. But I saw him! He was wearing J-shorts, and a little Santa shirt, and was stuffing the stockings… I gave out a yelp, and he said, “Hey, it’s Santa, dressed up like your dad!” for a moment, I doubted my Santa faith… Had all my prayers to Santa since I was 5 gone to waste? but as the good book says, “you receive no witness until after the trial of your faith.” And I think that was a big trial just now… and I overcame… and because of that… Santa is going to reach deep into his ever giving bag of mystical wonder, and pull me out a new camero… like the one I saw in Transformers, which I watched for the first time 2 days ago.

One question… why did the cube turn all the electronics into BAD transformers? Where are all the good ones coming from then? Answer THAT my friend… and if they can just choose to be any ol vehicle they wanted, as they suggested when those comet robots hit the ground, and chose the car of their choice to become… then why didn’t they ALL choose to be Really sick fighter Jets? If you can answer both of those questions, I’ll give you a cracker jack maybe. I got this cool new comment box at the bottom of the page, which you can sign in with your facebook account and post… pretty nifty… speaking of… anyone notice the new design of this webpage? I sure did… probably cuz I spent hours figuring out how to web design…

but if you ever are feeling low and blue,
and just need to figure out what to do,
when the tears come streaming down your face,
and you lose something you cant replace,
when all is lost,
and nothing is found,
don’t forget to turn that frown upside down.
Just open up your browser of choice (since there’s like 50 now)
And make a little invoice…

And when I say invoice, I really meant, go to jbuddnews and just admire it’s beauty… and think to yourself… What have I done with my life? Will I ever amount to anything? And when you look at that cool design… you’ll realize, NO… no you won't… so stop waiting for Santa to come down his chimney, cuz he AINT coming for YOU… he only visits people on his NICE list… and sends the rest of the people coal! I wonder where he gets all that coal from… he has to be running some sweat shop to do it. I’m sure he’s breaking labor laws all OVER the place.

If I ever got the coal in the stocking, I think I would just say to myself, “REAL mature Santa… REAL mature! Can you get any more ORIGINAL than that? Haven’t you gotten sick of your little practical joke, coal in the stocking yet? Is it still funny to you?

Actually that must be a pretty funny the first 100 times. When I have kids, I’m gonna try that one out… see if it scars them for life or not… could be a good experiment. They wake up all groggy on Christmas morning, excited to see the toys underneath the tree, and then BAM. NOTHIN! Just a big pile of black coal staining the carpet… and I’ll walk out of my room and be like, “SHOOT!!! TIMMY!! I KNEW you shouldn’t have gotten in a fight with your sister! NOW look what you’ve done! You’ve RUINED CHRISTMAS! NO PRESents for ANYONE!!! Probably the neighbors next door TOO! All because of YOOOUU!!!

What do you think would happen to that kid? Enlighten me….

Well since we’re on the topic of my website… or Santa… whichever… I added a new little button at the top called, “JBUDD FILMS” you should check it out ;) … ONLY while you’re contemplating the meaning of life of course… yes yes yes…

Speaking of JBUDD FILMS… we have released a new movie. Me and my whistling quartet decided to put out a new Christmas album and made a music video to go with it.

The video was inspired while me and Jeremy were sitting in the hallway one night, and started harmonizing our whistles, and started laughing uncontrollably… and “the sweater sweeties” was born. If you have any friends who have shown interest in whistling quartets and completely homo-dancing, be sure to forward the video to them ;)

I think we’ve got time for a comment

This will blow your mind... and could be the theme of festivus 2009 stache forever...and i am not going to start mine until saturday...sorry i need to be clean shaven til she leaves right???:)

For those of you who don’t know… we’re having a mustache growing contest right now. I probably should have told you guys earlier so you could have joined in too… but maybe next time we’ll have the pictures posted up. And YOU guys get to be judges to ‘audience choice” mustache. Sound gravy? Good. And all you mustache growers out there… explain to me what a mustache is like in 5 words or less. We should be having our festivus party this week sometime. And as the great Coldplay once said… “lets talk… lets ta-a-a-a-alk.” We’ll talk ;) Merry Christmas


This is how my stache is doing so far…  and I'm pretty sure this is what I look like whenever I'm writing these things.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

How to Fall into a Pot-hole #22

Recently people have been searching my site for the following question:
can i sue the city from injury from street pot hole?  

The answer: YES.  But like any other case, you need solid evidence that the injury wasn't your fault, and was the fault of their negligence.  One problem is you'd be suing for damages, or in other words, to pay for how much money the injury costed you.  (emotional distress/doctor bills/absence from work/damage to car/etc.)  In most cases that wouldn't be too much money, like in the following real life story:

****Story of the Week****

In my business law class we were discussing landlord's responsibilities to their tenants, and one of their responsibilities is to make repairs to anything that might cause injury… FOR example: The rain gutter right above my doorway is broken, which causes some sweet spillage, creating this decent puddle right outside my door. To add fire to the fuel, I live in LOGAN! and if hell was located here, it would indeed be frozen over. So this puddle is soon going to turn into a nice sheet of black ice… NOW all I need to do is slip on it, and break some sweet bone-age, and I can sue for damages! So I’ve been biding my time and waiting for that sweet payout. I just need a couple ace bandages, and I’ll be set! Now I better not catch any of you eyeing my puddle down… it’s MINE! NO BATTLE! I’d like to see a no battle hold up in court.
“prosecutor JBUDD claims that he ‘no battled’ it.”
(gasp from the jury)
“So NATURALY the money from the injury should go to HIM”
At this point a marching band will walk in playing “America the beautiful” and everyone will stand up, and salute me, with a tear trickling down each person’s cheek. Prosecutor WINS with the unanimous vote from the jury and audience… even the DEFENDANT who shant be named would have to agree…

ANYWAY #1>>>

So the story goes like so:
It was a dark night. A batman logo’ed spotlight shines frantically thru the air. Meanwhile on the street below sits an innocent little boy by the name of JBUDD. Little JBUDD just wanted to go play some ultimate Frisbee with his friends, so he ran across the street to go home and slip into something a little more comfortable. Being properly dressed, he’s about to make his way across the street into his friends apartment… something doesn’t seem right… The football stadium lights are blaring on his left. He watches as the cars pass, their headlights blaring in his eyes, just waiting for an opening to cross the wide street. He sees a small opening, so he goes to dash across the road, when suddenly he realizes that the ground is closer, and he’s not going anywhere. He hears two girls off in the distance gasp as he looks down, and finds that his leg is in a gimungous pot hole. The girls rush over to his assistance, and he jumps out, and examines his bleeding leg. The girls insisted that he come in and get bandaged up, but HE had an appointment with a Frisbee and could NOT be late. So he hurried over that lonesome road… THE END

I know what you’re all thinking, “wait… you fell into a pot hole?” well… YES! But you got to SEE the size of this thing:

That was no ordinary pot hole! that thing was like the grand canyon got together with the road outside my house, and had a baby. So the first thing I did was start ranting and raving about how the city was liable for that, and I should SUE them, and make them fix it, cuz that was right in the way of running across the road. I was telling the story to a lot of people after asked the question: “what happened to your leg” and this one girl said the same thing happened to her DAD! That little tweep was going to steal my law suit! But alas it was too late… a week later… I found THIS:

And about a month later, this is the desolation of a once great hole:

It lived great... and it died great... how many people fell victim of it's tyranny? we'll never know... but lets pay homage to the beast, with a moment of silence...

So the moral of this story is… You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take… yeah… that sounds about right…

Now I want to take a moment of silence for my poor leg skin. Turn on some sappy slow love song, and then slowly scan thru some photo’s from the past…

In OTHER news, we have another addition to the J-Films Family, it’s entitled: THE APARTMENT which is basically just a remake of the office. Enjoy:

Monday, November 23, 2009

JBUDD NEWS Getting Bigger and Brighter #21

So I recently was checking out my stats on some of my Youtube videos. And I noticed that I had gotten quite a few hits from this girl’s blog in SWEDEN!  So the effects of JBUDD NEWS is officially starting to have a global impact.  It’s the dawn of a beautiful day really… I had to translate her website to understand what it said, I don’t want any comments saying “thank you we love you so much for doing that” but I want it to be strictly done out of charity. cuz in my ward we have a goal to reach 10,000 service hours, and I’ll just use that to count towards it.  But anyway, here’s what she had to say:

I always knew that life is a roller coaster, there are things happening for a reason then there are the things that occur to deliberately make it or an accident.  There may be things that makes you feel good, but they can also be things that makes you go down the hill, or around in a lop it only lasts a short time.

When you are born to climb mountains and on rollercoaster and it does not stop former husband to go get off at his death.

It does not matter to me what they are, they’re talking about, they are still upside down and not least in love.  For some strange reason, so when you are alone so you see people holding hands all the time, you see people kissing and holding eachother.  Show love for eachother and we have no idea what is going on when they are at home.  It is known that all people end up in fights and conflicts, but we want to solve something as you fight for it, right? It shows that this is what you want, right?

I think so, or I hope so.

Just listen!

I’ve been waiting, I have forgiven and I’ve cried, it is about time that they go up the hill again.  If you want something, do not be afraid to stretch out your hand and take your chance… :)

WOW.  FIRST of all… I don’t get about half the things you just said, and second of all, I didn’t realize how deep that video was!  I was figuring it was just a video to motivate students to get involved, but I guess she got on the deeper quantum level that only Swedish people that don’t speak English can understand. I don’t even want to get STARTED on your terrible grammer.

It sure sounded like this video changed her life, which isn’t very abnormal here at JBUDD news.  THAT’S why I get hundreds of people writing in every week telling me their success stories!  But I only include the toppest notchest of them for my readers… cuz.. I’m just that kind of guy….

****SUCCESS STORY (from yesteryear)****
So ap tests are over and Broderick decides to have us make parachutes to see whose can float longest.  So everyone starts making parachutes out of tissue paper.  "cept for me.  I’m duct tape man.  I like duct tape. 

So I decide it would be really clever to make a sheet of duct tape (my parachute) and stick a ball of inside out duct tape attached to a duct tape cord on the sheet.  The idea was to hit the ball on the wall and make it stick, and then there was no way I would've lost.

So, I walk to the balcony, drop it off, hoping it would hit the wall and stick.  It just kinda rubbed its way down.

Well then I was on the brink of despair (failure) when it landed right into a huge bowl of something carried by a student -- Mr Broderick later stated that it may have been tapioca.  I couldn’t help but laugh.  The student looked up at me, and I think swore.

I then ran to the classroom in an attempt to hide.  Mr broderick found me and disqualified me from the games.

It was worth it. Duct tape in tapioca?  When does that ever happen?

J Nieveen
Riverton, UT
I’d like to note the key points to his success.  First, he didn’t conform with the crowd.  Second, he used duct tape, and third, he got pudding splashed all over some kid.  GREAT success in my book.

dude jbudd this is bs.   man that was DECENT!!!   much better than #18.   I liked it.  I liked it a lot.   keep up the goodness.  dude so i have a survey that you could maybe do that could create some interesting feed back.  Find out what people think about dating the girls that you home teach.   Is it kosher?   I am not too sure myself but the girl i home teach is cool and pretty decent and i took her out last friday.  It went so well...but i dont know how far i could really take it.  Many tell me that i need to bail out.  They say that it will only lead to tears.  What does Utah State think? 

oh one more thing that was kinda funny.  I went to Mr. BYU which was cool but they had a MC that was so sweet.  He was making jokes and stuff and then he told the students about how to become a true aggie.  Since most of the kids are from out of state they didnt really get it but he said that they were going to start "true cougars" at BYU.  What you do is you go to the center of campus before 10:30p.m. and shake hands with some girl.  Then you are a true cougar.   

Well Jbudd rock it up....
til we meet again
the one and only
Riverton, UT

FIRST of all… when you address my pseudo name, you need to CAPITALIZE it out of respect to me, and all of the hundreds of monkey’s I have writing material for me here at JBUDD inc. COMMON!  I thought you BYU people were geniuses.  NOW where’s your 3.9 GPA?
Anyway.  I’m pretty sure that’s the whole point of home-teaching in a college ward, and we just mask it behind trying to help out the other person or something.  But really they just want us to date them.  I’m pretty sure that’s all any old person cares about with single adults.  WHEN are you going to get married!  You say hi to anyone, and the first thing they wanna talk about is "Are you dating anyone? Why not?"  That’s why we have linger longer, FHE, home teaching, visiting teaching, and Sunday school class.  It’s all a scheme to hook you up with some girl.  So I say take the bait, and make your bishop proud!  I just hope that MY home teacher doesn’t start having any feelings for me…
Well if any of you are dispositionally outraged by my view and wants to express them.  Just email and we’ll talk about it.  ALSO on the left of the page there’s a poll that you can VOTE on whether it is right or wrong to date your home-teachee.
I’m also proud to present the newest member of the JBUDD Films family that bs and I made back when I lived with him in ’07.  Enjoy:

A blog?  Why are you doing a blog?  That is so girly.
    -Ashley B
    Riverton Utah

YOU’RE a girl!

****Interview of the week****
I had a funny conversation this week with someone who actually does physicals.  As you read in #19, I’ve always have wondered what they think about doing it.  So I interviewed someone on the topic.  This girl is about 22? Or so, and we’ll call her… Germanium

Do you have stuff like that over there? Hernia checks?
That’s what we do at the hospital, yes.
Why Ew?
I don’t care, it’s just a job.
Wait… YOU actually do it?
TO them… yeah.
How’s your conversation while you’re doing it?
What kind of question is that?
It’s fine… sometimes the guys are kinda shy cuz I’m still kinda young.
We even do prostate checking.
I used to not want to do it, but I need to cuz it’s part of the job
What if they think you’re cute or something?
If they like me? How would I even know that?
HOW will I know? Hahaha… It’s ok… it’s just a physical check!
Why? Are you shy to when you get a physical?

Then she started questioning my manhood. So unfortunately, we had to cut the interview short.

Well thanks for coming out to JBUDD NEWS, and we'll see you all next week.

Your Friend,

Thursday, October 29, 2009

How to Survive a Typhoon in the Philippines

Happy Halloween everyone! As my Halloween gift from me (and the Steves), I decided to write a scary story. So get on the edge of your seats, pop some pop-corn and get ready for a ride. This story is taken strait out of my journal dated May 18, 2008 (with some editing done.)

Well… I’m alive…
I’m now sitting here writing in the candle light, because the power will be out for another month. They said, the power lines were all knocked down, and they’ll have to do some re-lining to fix it.

It happened yesterday. The news told the people, signal number 1 typhoon. Which means it’s still light, so we were still going to work.
This was yesterday…

So we went on as normal, it was rainy in the morning, and we didn’t have much success… then in the afternoon, I equipped myself with a stronger umbrella and felt I was prepared. We went to a baptism in Baay for the Labrador missionaries. The Labrador missionaries, binmaley, the zoneleaders and us, all attended. We all started from the same starting point, and when we left, it was starting to get a bit windy. Me and elder saksak were laughing about it before we departed, they went THEIR way, and we headed towards Domalandan.

We arrived, and were getting punted at all our appointments. Me and elder shippey were laughing our heads off, because we had our umbrella’s fighting against the wind sideways. Our umbrella’s would fold under the intense wind, and mine was getting K.O.’ed. We found pride in being out in such weather while everyone was running around like it was dooms day. It made working a lot more exciting. By the time we arrived at Romulo’s house, my umbrella was completely destroyed. We went into their little house where we could barely all fit and sit down, taught them and blessed their house, and their family. And when we left the house we started noticing the land was starting to change. We even laughed when a banana tree fell over. Those banana trees are ALWAYS getting into trouble…

We decided that it was probably getting too severe, and we should probably stop working and go home. But we wanted to make one last stop. We went to the Canillang family. They brought us in, gave us warm milk, and insisted we stayed. We talked and laughed for quite awhile in the dark. (the power was out at this point.) Then all of a sudden we heard Hell starting to break loose out side. I told Elder Shippey that we had to go now. At this point, it’s about 5:00 pm, we were in Domalandan, miles from home…
The family warned us that there are no more vehicles. I assuredly told them we would be fine and almost looked forward to our little trek home in the rain…

We got to the street, and I realized, this is no game any more, this is serious. the rain was blowing in our face, and slapping painfully against our skin. I knew our umbrellas would be useless in this situation, and would just blind our senses from detecting dangerous flying rubbish. I grabbed my umbrella, and knew we were in for a ride. I was going to take that umbrella home as a trophy.

“lets run!” I yelled! As we started our long journey towards home, the wind resisting our every step, telling us we weren’t wanted, and to turn back. The rain was blocking my vision, and stinging into my face like a bunch of needles. Making me scared I might miss some rapid movement that could prove fatal. On our right, a tree snapped and fell over. The urgency overtook us and we were running for real actual safety. For our LIVES type of safety. We grew close to the school’s gym, and we saw the big titan tin roof being beaten up as if by a bully. We saw a long piece of green tin, just longing to come off, wanting to fly with the wind and join its team. “Watch that roof!” I commanded. The tin was rippling in the wind, competing with the typhoon for attention. If it had detached, it would have been able to split someone in half…
Instantly every tree and tin roof became our arch enemy, and lost all of our trust.

We ran until we approached Domalandan bridge. We’ve walked that bridge many times, and I knew it was about ½ mile long, and my instincts told me that I do NOT want to be stuck on that thing like this. We made it to a little ghetto shop right before the bridge, and took refuge…

We were drenched, and now cold. We didn’t say a word to each other, but examined our dreadful fate as the massive winds only grew worse and worse. The sunlight was diminishing, and the sound of the increasing wind was dashing our hopes that we would be making it home. What could we do? Who could help us? Who could we text? How to get our of this predicament? Elder Shippey conjectured that we could text the zone leaders and we could have the couple missionaries pick us up. That seemed like a good idea… so we asked for the lady’s phone to send our “s.o.s.” out. We sent the text and waited. The people invited us in, and cast us into a corner where we sat awkwardly, and waited…

The people inside moved along like we were non existent. I sent another “sos” another “flare” and we waited. And while we waited, I watched the most intense rain and wind I’d ever seen. I watched and heard as the entire land was being shredded apart with a roar. Outside the opening was just white, and the rain moved completely sideways. So fast, it just looked like a wall of water. It was at that point I realized how God could really just snap us like a twig if he wanted to.

So we waited for the reply that never came. We waited like 2 strangers in a foreign land. Dripping wet, in an abandoned corner, until finally the storm slowed to an almost stop, and we decided to face DOMALANDAN BRIDGE

What an eerie feeling it was, walking out of that shack, the dark clouds surrounding us, waiting to close in, trying to trick us into its trap. They looked at us patiently and excitedly for the command to come down and destroy us… but all was calm. I did NOT like the idea of being on a bridge with no escape when it started up again. Judging by the circular cloud formation above us, I figured we were in the eye of the storm, and it was a ticking time bomb until it broke with its furry again. So we booked it, and ran!

We ran down that endless bridge, but for some reason Shippey could take it, so we started walking. I explained that we were in the eye of the storm now, and it’s going to start again, so we need to hurry, but he seemed to think it was over.

We made it pass the bridge, and viewed the destruction of the land, and that eerie feeling returned, as I saw trees that were destroyed like a twig, and power lines broken and laying on the street and in our pathways. The sun was now gone. There was not a single light to be found, or vehicle to be seen, the once busy road laid empty as we walked down the center of the road. It seemed as if aliens took over and killed everyone and we were the only survivors.
As we walked, my prophecy began to be fulfilled. The wind (now at our backs) slowly started getting stronger and stronger, and the rain harder and harder.
“Are you ready elder shippey?”
“not yet…”
I wasn’t talking about running, but the second attack of the storm. It increased.
“Are you READY elder Shippey?!”
“Not yet!”
His ridiculousness starting to bother me, while dodging downed power lines incase they were still alive. The wind intensified, and was starting it’s attack again.
“well… I AM!”
Then I started running again assuming he would follow, as the sound of destruction commenced again. Not trusting any tin or tree again, and jumping over downed power lines. Elder Shippey made a good point that all the power was out any way, so there was nothing to be afraid of.

We made it to a members house and knocked… no one was there, so we carried forward, still a long ways from home, until we heard someone call out to us, “ELDERS!”
Hey this is familiar… It’s JR’S HOUSE! His dad beckoned us inside. So we took refuge again. They were all inside their cozy home and seemed like they were going to make it through the night just fine. They were even prepared with a big lamp. The mother instantly told us to change cloths and we were going to stay the night there. Hospitable of them… but we weren’t going to go there…

JR’s wife was happy to see us, but seemed disturbed. Her husband was still stuck out there! She wanted us to say a prayer for them which we gladfully accepted and I gave for them. Blessing that we would all come out safe and the house would be find, and JR would be fine too… after that I asked if they had a cell phone. They did, and so we began our “s.o.s.” again. We got it off, but were abruptly disappointed with the return message that said, “would not be sent.”

The weather grew strong again as I worked with the phone, trying to get the message through. And 10 minutes later it said, SENT. So now we just needed to play the waiting game. I tried to make small talk, and cheer everyone up, “so… how bout that wind eh?” We waited there for more then an hour, and finally we got a reveled reply from headquarters, saying, “are you guys fine? The couples are in AGOO, just stay there!”
Stay there? We realized that the only options we had were: staying here in someone’s house that we barely knew, or finish the journey in the dark abyss. I sent another text explaining where we were… meanwhile… we heard the storm get a skosh softer, Elder Shippey seemed aggravated that we had to stay there. He was ready to leave. He didn’t like staying there…

So we watched for a reply as he kept pressing on me for us to go, but I didn’t want to disobey our leaders. So I was torn. I wanted to obey their command, but I’m sure they didn’t understand, and the weather was a little better, and I’m just the kind of guy who likes dangerous things, but I knew this isn’t the time or place to be taking chances. This chance could be very critical if wrong.

So when you’re in doubt, don’t rely on your own wisdom, take it to the top. So I sat there and said a silent prayer. I felt we would be just fine, so with this confirmation, I said to my companion. “alright… Lets go!”

It’s now 8:00pm, and we’re back on the trail marching onward. We made it to Baay East. It was abnormally eerie to be walking around in the chaotic dark, and see cars lying in the middle of the road as if dead. They were all stuck because of the downed power lines. The roads became like the jungle gyms on the playground, and we had to climb through the downed wires.

We went over a little bridge and we marched onward to Lingayan crawling thru the powerlines, and helping the tricycleists trying to get thru too.
We arrived in lingayen. Which was just as eerie as ever, the market was all destroyed, all the tables and stands were knocked over. Signs ripped off of buildings. I saw someone loitering a tipped over vending machine, and all the power was GONE! The once busy city laid dead like a ghost town.
As we passed the Jollibee, I saw the silhouettes of a hundred people crowding for refuge.

Then this was when I found what it felt like to be in a movie like Independence Day where they have a big line of cars stuck in confusion, trying to run from disaster. They were still running and the headlights still on. as The people down the line were confused about what to do, and what was going on, and the lights revealed two missionaries with smiles and laughs on their faces with their entire cloths soaked as if in a swimming pool. Giving hope to the stranded people.

We finally reached the road we would have turned on, but the road was filled with giant trees glaring at us, and something inside said not to go that way. So we had to go the long way…

We turned onto the road into our neighborhood and found a bunch of trykes trying to get out, but there WAS no exits… they were all blocked by fallen trees. As we got closer, we got more and more excited, the visions of our own beds in mind, warm cloths…

We rounded the corner, last leg of the race! We were starting to celebrate! We see the house! There’s candle light inside! We broke out in song!
“I Just wanna go home!”
“I’m going home!”
We made it!

Which brings us back to the beginning…

Before we alarmed the other we were home, I made sure we fell on our faces and thanked the lord with the rain pouring on our backs. There were many close calls, and wrong turns we could have made to prove severe. Who knows that waiting at a house could have timed our journey perfectly so that nothing would fall on us that one road with all the trees was covered in tree branches in the morning.

We finished our prayer and then started cheering, as the inside of the house came alive. The door was unlocked instantly, and elder Doria gave us a big hug even though we were drenched. We were home, and each party was safe. (Ironically we came home right at 9:30. The time all missionaries are supposed to be home.)

The interior of the house was noticeably different. All the furniture was in one room. Turned out that our study room’s roof flew off! I went inside, and it was completely raining in the house!

We got changed, went up stairs, and all slept in one room. Listening to the winds beet upon our house, and destruction happening all outside as we slowly drifted off to sleep…

The after math:

I slowly woke up as the light got brighter and brighter. It was the beginning of a new day, a day with a lot of work that laid ahead. What surprised me, was how happy everyone still was, and how quickly everyone got to work. The people cleared anything blocking the transportation.

Everyone was united, “we have all survived the storm.” And were all unified in experience. We walked to church and viewed the destruction on the way. My estimates are:

10% of houses were destroyed
20% roofs taken off.
40% Some damage
30% Nothing wrong.

And now we live by candle light and we have no water, and no electricity. We have to do the dishes next to the pump, and we shower outside in our shorts next to the pump, and the kids yell stuff out to me because I’m white. We have no clean water, so we’re drinking the water from the pump, which I’m sure can’t be healthy since it’s a different color. We have to put deet all over our body at night to stop the mosquitoes from eating us. And the weather is Hotter than hot.
We sleep in our sweat, and you wake up just wet.

The End.

My Trophy

Our Roof that got ripped off

Destroyed houses

SIDE NOTE: None of these pictures were taken during the typhoon. but they do show geographical location.

Friday, October 23, 2009

The Dangers of Donating Plasma #19

Lately people have been asking me:

1) What is the bump on your arm after you donate plasma?
ANSWER: Don't worry about it. It just means your lab coat person messed up, and punctured your vein and you're bleeding internally... NO BIG DEAL! (it sounds bad, but really, don't worry about it.) In the following real life story you'll learn of MY experience with having the bump on my arm, so you'll know what to expect.

So I went to sell my sweet sweet plasma the other day… I don’t know WHAT it is… but those doctors just drink that stuff up…

To start the process, they pulled me into a little tiny room that could barely fit 2 people, and just eyed my luscious veins down, feeling it with his gloved hand. I’m not sure at ALL if this dude actually knows what he’s doing, but the white lab coat definitely gets my respect.

This guy could be just another shmo off the street, he looks about my age, but when he’s wearing the jacket… My life is in his hands… I don’t know what strenuous process he had to go thru to get to lab coat rank, but I’m pretty sure that anyone could get to lab coat status by the results of what happened to me… who is HE to judge my veins, when he walks imperfectly?

If any of you don’t know what donating plasma is, it’s kind of like prostitution… you sell part of your body for money. They suck your blood, take the plasma out, and then give it back to you for a price…

This idea intrigued me, partly because of the money, but mostly because of the name. PLASMA! That definitely seems like something you don’t want to miss. Sounds like something from a sci fi movie. Til now, I figured plasma was some radioactive orange goo that they extract out of my body for purposes of fueling a top secret government spaceship that would fly to Jupiter, but it turns out it just looks like apple cider. Someone must just really like the taste or something…

Now if you’re a first time pusher of plasma, they make you go thru this long difficult process of walking in little rooms, answering questions and getting tests done until FINALLY you get to the physical.

Physicals always scare me, cuz I never know what to expect…

“so… are you going to do the whole drop your pants thing or not… Just tell me now, so we can get the awkwardness out of the way…”

I definitely think that these doctors need better senses of humor. During my plasma physical, he got me all laid out on the mini bed, and told me to lift my shirt. And I was half way thru saying, “… I don’t think I should be lifting my shirt for another guy in this part of town,” when he started feeling my bare stomach.  I was just staring into his eyes.  His head was bent over, getting pretty close to mine… it all seemed too romantic for me… so… I LAUGHED! And he abruptly stopped feeling me, and said in a dry tone, 

“I sense that you’re a bit ticklish?” 

AWW common! That’s all you’ve got? You’re pressing into my stomach! We both know that it’s awkward, so… you can laugh too! I give you permission! Let’s just rejoice together, and I’ll even share with you those crackers you gave me at the beginning…


To conclude my story:
I got into the plasma room. It looked like a wounded soldier clinic or something. There’s just a bunch of guys laid out on these beds, next to these radio looking machines, squeezing this ball. So they hook me up… and I’m thinking… "OW!"

I tell the lab coat girl… “OW!” And she’s like, “OW?” so she tries moving the needle around to get rid of the ow… and she stops, and does that undercover code language whisper thing that doctors and nurses do… and some other nurse shows up, and unhooks me… then they do some more hush hush talk, and I get a DUDE finally. 

He must be pretty high up on the lab coat rank, and he does some voodoo vein check on my right arm, and stabs me there, and this one wasn’t as “OW” and the blood starts pumping. But they try pumping it back to see if it’ll go in, and I get this gnarly looking goo bump where the needle is… but all the lab coat folk acted like this was perfectly normal.  I asked,  “is that normal…” And he promptly said, "NO!"

How can he be so CALM I’m DYING!!! SAVE ME!
So they unhook me, and still don’t tell me anything, then give me 20 bucks and told me to leave…

And while I was walking out, I was thinking, huh… I just went in, waited a couple hours, and got paid for getting hurt! Next time, I should just request the baseball bat to the head to save time. Don’t worry about the needle thing… just injure me right here and now! They should just have a bunch of bats at the receptionists desk, so I don’t even have to get past there… walk in, get injured, take my money and leave… seems a LOT more efficient…

I’ve attached pictures of what my arm looked like

Initial bump that formed after I took off the bandage

The BUMP (My bicep isn't supposed to be that big...)

2 days after

5 days later (it's a lot darker in person)

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

How to write your own will... #18

Good HECK! Wasn’t it a beautiful day today? The weather made my day. When the weather’s cold, my classes seem like I’m just waiting in a military bunker in Siberia, waiting to go out to battle. But today the birds were chirping, and everything felt… EXUBERANT (for lack of better words.) Even my CLASSES seemed more interesting. My business law professor was holding a pen today, and it exploded in his hand without him realizing it, and he did one of those nose swipes and put a PERFECT little Hitler mustache on his face, and EVERYTHING he said was funny after that! Except when he started yelling at us in German, and two guys dressed in black carried some kid out of class… NOBODY saw that coming…

In class today we learned about wills. Wills are defined as: power trips from beyond the grave. EVEN though I’m dead… I’m STILL going to control what happens to you!!

I was thinking about MY will… what could I possibly put in it? Well… what do I own? “and my pog collection will go to little Timmy” “my half can of tuna can go to my roommates who’ve been eying it down in the fridge.”

Since when did my net worth get so low? You see those guys on t.v. “Donald trump is worth 5 billion dollars” or whatever… I’d love to see how they’d calculate MY net worth…. “alright, you got eleven and a half pairs of socks, some pants shoes, and shirts… a box of macaroni, and 3 slices of top raman… That comes to a subtotal of 40 bucks… would you like paper or plastic…” what does that number even mean anyway? He’s worth 2 trillion! What does that even mean? Are we to the point where we’re selling people on the market now? “I’ll take … one Bob Frakenburg… and… what the heck, throw in a bill gates!” I thought all that stuff ended with the 14th amendment? I don’t know why the heck we’re calculating what people are worth…


Since MY will obviously can’t have anything to do with material things… I’ve I’m going to put random things in it.

I can picture it now, a bunch of people gathered in a circle reading my will as my old dead body lies warm in my bed. I just happened to be wearing this big purple heart shaped jewel around my neck… The one begins to read. His finger following each carefully placed word:
“Go to the backyard and dig a hole!! and then… throw my body into it! GO AHEAD! Don’t be shy! The shovel’s in the garage next to that big mining pick!”
How often have you ever needed to use your mining pick anyway? Every house has one… I just ONCE want to be chilling at my friend’s house, watching a movie or something, and see his dad come into the house, just COVERED in black residue…
“ah, nothing, just been down in the hole collecting fossil fuels for your stockings this Christmas! You’d be surprised how much coal is under that SANDBOX over there!” at this point we look out the window too see poor Timmy playing with his new pog set, when the sandbox collapses into them mine… looks like no coal for timmy THIS Christmas…

I’m just not into the whole fancy funeral thing. Just what’s the big deal? Who are we trying to kid? Are we trying to make the people who just died feel good that they actually had people show up? Most of them you probably don’t even know anyway! Are we afraid that the person is going to come back and haunt us if we don’t do these things?

And we go all out with the expensive casket and everything… What do those things cost? Like 5 grand? Excuse me? This is the same glorified box we’re going to be burying in a 6 foot deep hole? How bout I make a box, and you give me that 5 grand! They even give you a little PILLOW in there! Now what crack head came up with that?! We figured since he’s gonna be in that box for a couple hundred years, might as well make him comfortable… and what the hey, lets put the guy in a tuxedo too! Just in case he meets another dead lady down there and wants to go on a date!

So in MY will, I want to change some things up.
I figures since I already get a pillow… might as well be in a good sleeping position… so when everyone shows up to the viewing, they’ll see me laid on my side in the fetal position… one arm thrown up underneath my pillow, and the other one’s flopped over my chest. My face will be buried in my pillow, and they’ll even add fake drool to make it seem more realistic… I’ll be wearing Pajama bottoms, and my favorite Riverton shirt and I’ll have a Nintendo DS next to me, cuz if I happen to wake up in the coffin, hey! They’ve got MARIO in this thing! I figure if I’m gonna need a pillow down there, I DEFINITELY will need some entertainment … If I’m going down… I’m going down in style…

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

How To Mooch off your friends... #17

OK OK OK, I haven’t written for a month, SO SUE ME!

I thought you learned by now that JBUDD news is unpredictable… it’s the predictable newsletters you can’t depend on… cuz you never know when they’ll do something, completely stupid… but with JBUDD news you can ALWAYS depend on it being undependable…

As you can tell, I’ve recently watched pirates of the Caribbean… not by choice… now I’m not saying that I don’t consider it one of my favorite movies… but that I hadn’t planned on watching it. I know we’ve all been there, you’re walking past the TV, and you’re like, “hey what’s that moving thing you’re looking at?” Then you turn you’re head, and then BAM! An hour later you’re watching the credits roll… still holding your psychology book pretending that maybe perhaps you’re going to study it while watching it…

We use bait to catch fish… and if THEY ever wanted to get revenge and catch us cruel humans… I would HIGHLY suggest to use a T.V. “hey what’s that?” then by the time the subject latches on to the T.V. BAM he’s in the boat… Fish catching Humans? That doesn’t make sense!

Last night I was walking past the T.V. and an hour later I saw the credits scrolling for the movie, “NINJA TURTLES” and I think THAT was a pretty far fetched Idea… I’m not sure HOW the creators came up with that… they HAD to have been tripping on acid… “dude! Dude dude! I GOT IT!!! What if… these turtles, could like FIGHT eachother and TALK!” and his friend was like, “COWABUNGA DUDE!”

For those that haven’t seen it, the alleged turtles were thrown into a sewer, and then they came across some glowing green GOO, and it made their whole genetic code change in such a way where they could walk and talk, and do kung foo…

Now days, us movie watchers want more EVEDENCE… back in the day we used to be able to say, “the turtles walked in to some green goo, and that’s how they became the ninja turtles... ALRIGHT!” no questions asked… audiences all over the world were watching it in theaters nodding their heads saying, “I see where they’re going with this!!” NOW days… people are a lot more picky…

Anyone see the first Hulk? Yeah, the first 30 minutes of that movie was dedicated to the science of Hulkanism… how a person could actually TURN into a green monster when he’s angry…imagine trying to explain that! …They talked about genetics, physics, biology, chemistry, quantum physics, BIOGENETIC quantum physics…. Til finally the audiences were like…. “Yeah….. I GUESS that could have happened?” WHAT HAPPENED TO THE GOOD OL days of the glowing green goo that explained everything?!!

The comic book publisher would ask,:
“So how’d he become spiderman?”
“well the kid was bit by a spider that fell into some green goo…”
“OH ok!”
“what about this dare devil character?”
“well the green goo got in his eyes, so now he can see sound!”
“Fantastic FO”
“… I like your originality kid… You’ve got yourself a deal!”

Parents would use it to teach their kids things they didn’t want them to know…
“where do babies come from?”
The green goo
“What happened to Kitty?”
The green goo ate him
“mom, why are you and daddy eating the cookies left out for santa?”
Um… uh… GREEN GOO!!!

It was the perfect cover…

>>>>>>>>>ANYWAYS #1

Now that I’m a big college boy, I’ve learned a few things:

1: The art of “mooching” – I think us moochers have gotten a bad rep. for ONE, because of the closeness of the word MOOCH to SMOOCH… and for TWO cuz of the song, “minnie the moocher” I think the moochers of this world are misunderstood, and misrepresented… I think WE deserve a National Moochers Day! I think WE deserve Moochers PRIDE month… I think WE deserve a Moochers Pride Parade! I HAVE A DREAM ladies and gentleman! That some day a moocher would be aloud to adopt a baby from a family that aren’t moochers! We say that all men are born equal… does this not include moochers?!

The problem is people think that we mooch ONLY cuz we’re cheep and trying to take advangage of the other person… NO NO NO! they’ve got it all wrong… really the art of mooching is all about love… You’ve got to have LOVE for the person who’s talking your food without asking… when you see that poor chap that has only but macaroni and cheese for dinner, you get to feel that love for him and let him mooch off of your hamburger helper… common… who’s your neighbor? Who’s your neighbor?

ALSO we’d like to officially recognize September 23, 2009 as Moochers day…
SO to save me time and head aches for having to answer the emails subjected, “how do I celeberate Moochers day?” I’ll just answer it now:

The first thing one must do in celebrating “Moochers day” is to decorate of course! So the best way to do that is get the decorations from your friends… you can use anything you really want really… Toiletpaper…. Cans of TUNA… your FHE partner’s Guitar Hero set… and then once you’re done decorating the house, you sing the traditional moochmas songs, classic favorites like:

“Oh Susana! What’d you bring for me?”
“Old mcdonald HAAAD a cow…”
And the classic, “we WISH you a merry MOOCHMAS” with emphasis on the last verse, “Oh, bring us a figgy pudding;
“ we WONT go until we GET SOME!”
… what exactly IS figgy pudding anyway?
Not important…

So at the end of the day, you call up your “most frequently mooched friend.” (MFMF) and then tell them thanks for all the things they do for you… (this ensures another conflict free season of mooching…)


You know, you really ought to blog. you've been doing this hilarious news letter for a long time. before blogging was around. it's perfect for a blog. just a thought. you're a funny man mr. jbudd. thanks for the laughs.

- Rachel Clark

That’s what IVE been trying to tell everyone… FINALLY people are getting it! As for the blog… BLOG that Idea! HA!

Mr. JBUDD!!!! I have been waiting ages for this moment! This has just made my year so much better! Keep it goin strong......... You know what I mean (:

-Andrew Dillman

FIRST of all… that’s DEFINITELY the weirdest smiley I’ve seen (: I can accept bad GRAMMER, and bad SPELLING… but wrong SMILEYS!!! That’s definitely crossing the line… for that! NO MOOCHMAS PRESENT FOR YOU!

hey where have you been recently ? I did not get any mail from you for a long time. Anyway, I found a very quality online pharmacy. I ordered some meds and I got them in 3 days. I remember last time you were asking for a cheap and quality it is :
Their url : (URL REMOVED)
-Roben Heavens

Uh… I’m excited to see YOU TOO… Roben… I’m so glad that since we’ve been friends for so long, and since you haven’t seen me for like 21 years that you’d be SOOOO excited to send me this email… And I’m ALSO glad that you care SOOO much for my health that you felt you should send me that URL with so much medicine in it...

Now THAT’S a real friend ladies and gentleman… one who’s willing to sell cheep or illegal drugs to their friends in need…

Well that finishes the Newsletter for this week.
I'll talk to you again soon.
Your Friend,


Random people are always coming up to me and telling me I look like some celebraty… I KNOW I KNOW, I must just have one of those…. FACES I guess… two common ones I get are: JUDE LAW, and HOUSE…

So GUESS which one I look like more, and if you’re right, I’ll give you a free EMAIL!

(BTW the picture is attached…)

Monday, August 17, 2009


We're all in the same fish bowl of life. Running over the same old grounds. All meeting at one common place we call… JBUDD NEWS.

OOOOHHH YEAAAAH!!! Stretch those arms and fingertips out… WOOOH! Here we are folks… We’re here once again! Can you believe it? Did you do a double take when you saw that email in your inbox? Did your heart drop as if you just received a letter from your long lost lover that you thought died in a fire? Well… I didn’t die in a fire… I just… needed some time to clear my head that’s all… THEN you’re probably gonna think that I’m some proteinic jerk, for faking my death, just to get away from you… then you’ll cry a little, but after some time, the stab will turn into a dull ache, and the humor you once found in JBUDD news will return…
Not much has happened the last two years, so I’ll just jump to the chase… I’m not sure where or what the chase is… but we’re going to be jumping to it… so buckle up…

I was thinking about seatbelts like two days ago… MY WHOLE LIFE I’ve worn this thing… in elementary school that’s the first thing they teach you. Wear a seatbelt. The second is look both ways before crossing the road… the kids that don’t pass THAT test usually don’t make it to the end of first grade, so they figured they’d put it first on the syllabus… I’ve worn that noose we call seatbelts for 20 years… and what has it done for me? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!! It has never once prevented me from dying… and that’s pretty strait across the board for everyone I’m pretty sure… We DEFINITELY wear the seatbelt more when we DON’T need it, than we wear it while crashing into something… I’m pretty sure the ratio is like a billion to one. The only problem is if you’re NOT wearing it when that moment of truth comes, you’re skrewed… So every trip we take, we put it on, knowing that we probably won’t need it, but knowing that someday we might need it, so we just anticipate the day when all of our sweat and pain have paid off… all the times we kinked our arms back and pulled a muscle trying to reach the buckle… all the wasted energy in snapping it in… I think MY first car crash I’m going to be ecstatic. I’m gonna jump out of the car cheering… IT WORKED IT WORKED! for after much labor comes the reward… and that’s the only reward you’re gonna get. A messed up car, and your life…


The summer is coming to the close, and we’re all going to be moving out to college soon… when I say all of us, I mean all those that will be going to college. For those of you that don’t know, I’m going to be going to the place of Logan, to the university they call utah state. I’m moving up on the pyramid, when I left I was at a state college, NOW I’m officially at a University… So you can now start calling me MR. JBUDD…

I got me an apartment The locals like to call the place, “old farm” I’m no business marketing genius, but that place doesn’t sound too appetizing… what’s the first thing you think of when you hear, “OLD FARM…” just close your eyes and picture it… what do you see? AN OLD FARM!!! A big field with fences made from logs from the 1800’s that the bugs have rotted away, and the second story has fallen into the first, and just cows and poo… What type of image are they going for? So I’m gonna bring my cowboy boots and hat, and show up to the office riding a horse, and ask the manager there, “NOW WHERE’S this OLD FARM I be hearin ‘bout? All I see is a bunch of HOUSES!” then just see what they say… I’ll just hold a strait face…

The best part about switching colleges, and living with a bunch of dudes that you never met, is that they know NOTHING about you! You can just completely rewrite your history, and make stuff up, and they’ll just automatically BELIEVE YOU!… so this is my plan. This isn’t a joke, when I go down to college, I’m changing my name to “rain” when you meet someone new, you ask for their name, and what do they usually say? There name! you don’t second guess it… so since I’m gonna be meeting a LOT of new people, I’m just gonna say I’m rain, and go with a new image… I’m gonna where cowboy boots, ride a horse to school, and in my spare time I’m going to plant corn where the grass used to be by our apartment, to get back to the old farm look that we miss so much… yee haw! Giddy up!

So next time, I’ll report to you guys on how my new nickname is going down there… so thanks for reading, and until next time…. JBUDD OUT!!!!

Well that finishes the Newsletter for this week. If you want to add anyone to our secret community. Have them email and put the subject as, "ADD"

I'll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,


If you smell your hands right after you hold a bunch of pennies. You can pretend for a moment that you're actually a robot.
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