Tuesday, September 22, 2009

How To Mooch off your friends... #17

OK OK OK, I haven’t written for a month, SO SUE ME!

I thought you learned by now that JBUDD news is unpredictable… it’s the predictable newsletters you can’t depend on… cuz you never know when they’ll do something, completely stupid… but with JBUDD news you can ALWAYS depend on it being undependable…

As you can tell, I’ve recently watched pirates of the Caribbean… not by choice… now I’m not saying that I don’t consider it one of my favorite movies… but that I hadn’t planned on watching it. I know we’ve all been there, you’re walking past the TV, and you’re like, “hey what’s that moving thing you’re looking at?” Then you turn you’re head, and then BAM! An hour later you’re watching the credits roll… still holding your psychology book pretending that maybe perhaps you’re going to study it while watching it…

We use bait to catch fish… and if THEY ever wanted to get revenge and catch us cruel humans… I would HIGHLY suggest to use a T.V. “hey what’s that?” then by the time the subject latches on to the T.V. BAM he’s in the boat… Fish catching Humans? That doesn’t make sense!

Last night I was walking past the T.V. and an hour later I saw the credits scrolling for the movie, “NINJA TURTLES” and I think THAT was a pretty far fetched Idea… I’m not sure HOW the creators came up with that… they HAD to have been tripping on acid… “dude! Dude dude! I GOT IT!!! What if… these turtles, could like FIGHT eachother and TALK!” and his friend was like, “COWABUNGA DUDE!”

For those that haven’t seen it, the alleged turtles were thrown into a sewer, and then they came across some glowing green GOO, and it made their whole genetic code change in such a way where they could walk and talk, and do kung foo…

Now days, us movie watchers want more EVEDENCE… back in the day we used to be able to say, “the turtles walked in to some green goo, and that’s how they became the ninja turtles... ALRIGHT!” no questions asked… audiences all over the world were watching it in theaters nodding their heads saying, “I see where they’re going with this!!” NOW days… people are a lot more picky…

Anyone see the first Hulk? Yeah, the first 30 minutes of that movie was dedicated to the science of Hulkanism… how a person could actually TURN into a green monster when he’s angry…imagine trying to explain that! …They talked about genetics, physics, biology, chemistry, quantum physics, BIOGENETIC quantum physics…. Til finally the audiences were like…. “Yeah….. I GUESS that could have happened?” WHAT HAPPENED TO THE GOOD OL days of the glowing green goo that explained everything?!!

The comic book publisher would ask,:
“So how’d he become spiderman?”
“well the kid was bit by a spider that fell into some green goo…”
“OH ok!”
“what about this dare devil character?”
“well the green goo got in his eyes, so now he can see sound!”
“Fantastic FO”
“… I like your originality kid… You’ve got yourself a deal!”

Parents would use it to teach their kids things they didn’t want them to know…
“where do babies come from?”
The green goo
“What happened to Kitty?”
The green goo ate him
“mom, why are you and daddy eating the cookies left out for santa?”
Um… uh… GREEN GOO!!!

It was the perfect cover…

>>>>>>>>>ANYWAYS #1

Now that I’m a big college boy, I’ve learned a few things:

1: The art of “mooching” – I think us moochers have gotten a bad rep. for ONE, because of the closeness of the word MOOCH to SMOOCH… and for TWO cuz of the song, “minnie the moocher” I think the moochers of this world are misunderstood, and misrepresented… I think WE deserve a National Moochers Day! I think WE deserve Moochers PRIDE month… I think WE deserve a Moochers Pride Parade! I HAVE A DREAM ladies and gentleman! That some day a moocher would be aloud to adopt a baby from a family that aren’t moochers! We say that all men are born equal… does this not include moochers?!

The problem is people think that we mooch ONLY cuz we’re cheep and trying to take advangage of the other person… NO NO NO! they’ve got it all wrong… really the art of mooching is all about love… You’ve got to have LOVE for the person who’s talking your food without asking… when you see that poor chap that has only but macaroni and cheese for dinner, you get to feel that love for him and let him mooch off of your hamburger helper… common… who’s your neighbor? Who’s your neighbor?

ALSO we’d like to officially recognize September 23, 2009 as Moochers day…
SO to save me time and head aches for having to answer the emails subjected, “how do I celeberate Moochers day?” I’ll just answer it now:

The first thing one must do in celebrating “Moochers day” is to decorate of course! So the best way to do that is get the decorations from your friends… you can use anything you really want really… Toiletpaper…. Cans of TUNA… your FHE partner’s Guitar Hero set… and then once you’re done decorating the house, you sing the traditional moochmas songs, classic favorites like:

“Oh Susana! What’d you bring for me?”
“Old mcdonald HAAAD a cow…”
And the classic, “we WISH you a merry MOOCHMAS” with emphasis on the last verse, “Oh, bring us a figgy pudding;
“ we WONT go until we GET SOME!”
… what exactly IS figgy pudding anyway?
Not important…

So at the end of the day, you call up your “most frequently mooched friend.” (MFMF) and then tell them thanks for all the things they do for you… (this ensures another conflict free season of mooching…)


You know, you really ought to blog. you've been doing this hilarious news letter for a long time. before blogging was around. it's perfect for a blog. just a thought. you're a funny man mr. jbudd. thanks for the laughs.

- Rachel Clark

That’s what IVE been trying to tell everyone… FINALLY people are getting it! As for the blog… BLOG that Idea! HA!

Mr. JBUDD!!!! I have been waiting ages for this moment! This has just made my year so much better! Keep it goin strong......... You know what I mean (:

-Andrew Dillman

FIRST of all… that’s DEFINITELY the weirdest smiley I’ve seen (: I can accept bad GRAMMER, and bad SPELLING… but wrong SMILEYS!!! That’s definitely crossing the line… for that! NO MOOCHMAS PRESENT FOR YOU!

hey where have you been recently ? I did not get any mail from you for a long time. Anyway, I found a very quality online pharmacy. I ordered some meds and I got them in 3 days. I remember last time you were asking for a cheap and quality pharmacy.here it is :
Their url : (URL REMOVED)
-Roben Heavens

Uh… I’m excited to see YOU TOO… Roben… I’m so glad that since we’ve been friends for so long, and since you haven’t seen me for like 21 years that you’d be SOOOO excited to send me this email… And I’m ALSO glad that you care SOOO much for my health that you felt you should send me that URL with so much medicine in it...

Now THAT’S a real friend ladies and gentleman… one who’s willing to sell cheep or illegal drugs to their friends in need…

Well that finishes the Newsletter for this week.
I'll talk to you again soon.
Your Friend,


Random people are always coming up to me and telling me I look like some celebraty… I KNOW I KNOW, I must just have one of those…. FACES I guess… two common ones I get are: JUDE LAW, and HOUSE…

So GUESS which one I look like more, and if you’re right, I’ll give you a free EMAIL!

(BTW the picture is attached…)

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