Friday, April 3, 2015

How I Accidentally Probably Coerced a Company into Changing its Name

My fellow JBUDDicans, The long wait is finally over. I realize that you've probably been waiting with bated breath ever since that fateful post on May 24, 2010, because, as you probably remember, I concluded it by saying, "To be continued…"

Oh the torturous longing you've must have felt these past five years! I must say that I'm sorry for the mind games I've played, but as they say, "Help will always be given at Hogwarts to those who ask for it." I realize that you might not have EXPLICITLY asked for it, but I can tell by those subtle hints you've been dropping... like,
"Oh hey, what's up?" I know what you really mean:
"Are you ever going to finish that to-be-continued story?" Well... Since you asked:

On May 24, 2010 I wrote about a certain company called "Western Wats," and how they fired a girl because she wrote something negative about the company on her blog. It was pretty obvious that they had a full time employee thats whole job was to google, "Western Wats" and look for anything negative. Luckily, several months before this post, I had written a whole newsletter making fun of their name. If you don't remember, here's a refresher:

Jan. 21, 2010 

So I applied for a job at this place called, “Western Wats.” It's a call center, but you wouldn't know it by their sweet application graphics:

I think this picture pretty much explains how the application process went. It was THE weirdest application PERIOD! They kept throwing in random information in the application, in Standard Contemporary Hick Talk (SCHT) like so:

“But the west wasn't won in a day. Step inside to learn how we're different and what continues to separate us from the herd.” - wait... what am I applying for? Mercenary?

“We split the herd into mission specific corrals and opened more offices with fewer phone stations - roping them all together with a fiber optic lasso.” - Are you trying to say my co-workers will be horses? or is this supposed to be one of those parable things? ... I GOT IT, the fiber optic lasso is symbolic of the wastefulness of mankind! DEEP.

“Most built their research muscles and expertise with us as ranch hands before they threw in their stake to help build this outfit.” - WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT! can I just fill out my DANG application?!

“Have you ever done paid employment service dealing with the public?" - I'm pretty sure ANYONE could pass the interview if they're talking like that.

"whatchur readin level?"
"grade 2"
"WELL, you got me beat! ehoooo!"
(fires gun shots into the air)

And they had stupid questions like:

Please answer the following question: 
If it is 6:00 pm in Utah, what time is it in California? - Is this really relevant doc... I mean... buckeroo?

Please select the last three Presidents of the United States in Order. Choose the Current president last. 
- Jimmy Carter
- George Bush, Jr.
- Barack Obama
- Ronald Reagan
- Bill Clinton
- George Bush, Sr.
- Richard Nixon

This stuff is all for real! I just copied and pasted it all. The whole time I was just thinking, “Does this place actually exist? Or are they just making stuff up?” "Am I on candid camera?"

Long story short, they called me up like an hour later, and wanted an interview... I never showed up...

5 years later... 

The year is 2015. I sit at my computer typing. My house shakes as a kid on a hover board floats past. "Dang hooligans! I'm trying to type here!" I say with a glint in my eye.

Anyway... So remember how They had a full time employee crawling the internet for anything and everything? Well... Here's a little history lesson for ya:

1987 - Western Wats is born
1988 - JBUDD is born
Jan. 21, 2010 - I write a slanderous article about W.W. primarily making fun of their whole brand image shtick they got going on.
Feb. 02, 2010 - Western Wats files for a new trademark name, "Opinionology" and subsequently changes its name to Opinionology.

So what am I trying to say? I think I accidentally probably coerced a company into changing it's name! About 2 weeks after my post, they decided to change their name! The pen is certainly mightier than the sword my friends, and the keyboard is mightier than the pen... but it turns out that sword still beats keyboard. It's kind of a rock, paper, scissors thing...

I know what you're all thinking, "Do you think he plans it all out, or just makes it up as he goes along?"

And to that, I must say, "To be Continued"
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