Monday, December 11, 2006

Numero el five-o (it's spanish, you wouldn't understand

Well folks, it's here. Hot off the press. I know you've all been waiting for it like little kids peeking in the toy stores window near Christmas time. Well, this time "Santa" just "happened" to get you what you wanted. Which is the newsletter… understand?

I recently just watched "Santa clause" (note the extra "E") staring Tim Allen. And my small childish brain could never figure out this little phenomenon found within this movie. For those of you who don't know, Tim Allen doesn't believe in Santa until he actually BECOMES Santa. (man it's hard to get to this guys head!) but one thing that bothered my 4th grade mind is this point:
Point number 1:
If the parents don't believe in Santa… THEN WHERE IN THE WORLD ARE THE PRESENTS COMING FROM!?

Understand my dilemma? And I don't think I ever truly understood this phenomenon, this paradox, until my senior year in high school…
So I walk into seminary, and the teacher says to me… "ok, today we're going to be responding to children who have mailed Santa." …. I was crushed… I didn't sleep that night.

>>>>>ANYWAY #1

Ok folks, this story is one of great magnitude. You guys will probably write this in you're journals at how great it is. And as usual, with greatness comes great sacrifice. I searched my soul for days trying to decide if I was going to share this story with you. But In the end I thought to myself, "Where does my loyalty lie?" and I realized that I shouldn't be thinking about myself, and my pride, my reputation. But I should think more about the better cause. Which is making you guys laugh.

This story is one of those story's that I'm going to end up telling my grandchildren. And I personally think that all you lady fan's out there are going to thoroughly enjoy this. Excited? Well you better be, or else I'm gonna stop writing.

So the beginning of the semester. Like the first day I meet subject "A". let me rephrase, I meat subject GIRL "A" And long story short, I left my keys at her apartment, so I have to go back there, and she invites me for dinner, I eat with them, tear it up, and BOOM. She likes me. SWEET!! Right? Just you wait…

So we get into a relationship where we AREN'T going out. Ya know? The type where we both say, "naaah" I found myself only liking her because she's FINE. But we're still sort of going out, but not at the same time ya know? OH, quick side note:

Side note #1:
So near the begining, I'm giving her some cheesy romantic massage. I PULL back her hair behind her ear. She's like basically asleep on her stomach. I think to myself, "self, this is really cheesy, I don't like…" So what do I do, that's right you bet I did. I SHOVE my finger UP her nose! That'll show her! Well yeah she freaked out!
So fall break hits, she goes back to Logan where she's from. Then we come back. Then about three weeks later I realized something… I haven't talk to her since then… hmm… I'm pretty dingy like that. I forget to keep track of my wemen, if you know what I mean. So I figure something's wrong… yada yada yada, fast forward to about Tuesday this week. She's… uh hem… ENGAGED!

ENGAGED?! I felt like I was on singles ward. You know you live at BYU when you can be "not" going out and then a month later they're engaged.

So what do I do when I found this out? That's right boys, I laughed. I laughed really…. Hard. Here are some thoughts I had:

For starters, "was I that bad that I drove you to marriage?"
Now lets dig deep into this doctrine. So she had this boyfriend she broke up with before she came down here. And that's who's she's marrying. So here's some more thoughts, "I was IN THE WAY of a marriage?" "I was that jerk guy that they argued about?" "I'm that guy in sweet home Alabama that gets skrewed?" "…… COOL!"

Well that concludes my story. Whitney, if you end up reading this… HAHAHA! Why are you reading my newsletter? SERIOUSLY! You're getting married! You can't be thinking about me all the time!
p.s. she's marrying a guy named bugs. Which I found ironic because in all reality my alarm is set to the actual song, "BUGS" by pearl jam. So I attached that file for you guys to listen to and think of me. THE END.

Hey Jesse this your biggest best friend Elder Dunn.
this is the last letter that I will read for two years because I am going on a mission on Wednesday the 6th. peace out I love you man. and if you could make up a totally sweet story about me so that I go down with eternal glory to the newsletter than my life mission would be complete. I have lived a good life and I bid you all aduei..... or adui.....or adeui. OH HECK gracias.

Oh so what you're saying is you're never gonna read what I write to you? So I could write how much I hated you and you'll never read it? …this could be fun. Like an fu..n experience.
For starters, we do not use that kind of language on the newsletter. "HECK?" what the "H" is that? We will use "H" for now on. As for the "Aduei" I believe that is FRENCH. Which is a language NO ONE cares for. I mean the spell "bo" "beaux" You can only use two languages per writing. And you used your other one up with "gracias." And need I remind ,"my biggest fan" about the purpose of this letter? That it's meant for me to be FUNNY? So to carry the rest of this out, I need to give this letter to Spud Budd. You are now reading…

Oh, Phillip, oh Phillip, how I long to sit under a mango tree with you, but alas, we live in two different worlds. Me at BYU, you at the MTC. How I long to make music with you… ACTUALLY me and Phil are going to start a band when we get off our missions, and we're going to be rich! Like EVERY OTHER garage bands out there! Well in closing love ya Phil, convert all of Mexico for me.

Now see? Isn't spud budd news so much more BORING then JBUDD NEWS?


I did my part to spread the creepy-santa goodness of your movie. I showed
it to two of my chemistry classes on the projector. A bunch of immature
high school kids, so of course they loved it. Keep it up and soon you will
take over the world, just remember what I did to further your cause. Maybe
when you are king of the world, you will let me have some royal benefits
like unlimited creamies. Those are good.

Your servant,

Now THERE's a faithful servant. What are all YOU slackers doing for me lately? NOTHING! Except Kyle challis and Brad Clawson. Which I'm very greatful for.

As for the creamies… what about half of unlimited? I want the other half.

As many of you don't know, Ashley webb. (that's right, Casey Webb's sister.) now known as Ashley BUDD (maried my bro.... not me.) is a school teacher. That's right all you high school poindexters. She could be teaching one of YOU! So you better watch out, you better not cry, you better not POUT I'm telling you why… Ashley Budd is coming to town.


Sadly my dear people I am actually responding to the lengthy crap which I
receive weekly form this "JBudd" who ever the #$%@ he is. I do so for a
terrible reason which I should be mocked eternally for because I realized
it in the first place. You see Mr. JBudd stated, in his latest installment
of weekly bull, that his "half pound" bean and rice burrito was not a half
pound and then concluded that it weighted a meager 2/9 of a kilogram.
Ironically a kilogram weighs 2.2 pounds so if you want to know what 2/9 of
2.2 pounds is you will conveniently find out that it is .466... pounds which
if we round up would be exactly .5 pounds of 1/2 pound making it the exact
weight that it should have been. If we simply factor out the heat lost
while he carried it to his seat of the grease that left the hamburger when
it was cooked we can simply conclude that the weight was 1/2 of a pound and
therefore taco bell is not a satanic institution trying to extract poor
college students money in hopes of screwing them into poverty. I will not
leave my name due to the fact that I actually thought about this and worked
out the math and therefore I am scared that all of the nerds actually
reading this will think that I am a nerd which would make me the lesser nerd
or nerdier nerd.


Ben you don't realize that as I'm writing this you are two feet away from me asleep. I hope you've always wanted a drawn on mustache…


hello again!!! so basically, I've already learned A LOT about web design hahaa.... I mean, the site looks simple, but it takes a lot of work, thanks for letting me do this job!!!

If you could email me a list of what you'd like done, that'd be very nice. Thanks!


Well this of course is not near finished. It'll be sweet. I've never been thanked for having people do me favors.
That is such a humble and awesome thing to do. Thank someone for giving you work to do because it's teaching you stuff. It's like going to you math professor and thanking him for making the final so hard. And for the lady fans: it's like when you played kissing tag in first grade and that kid you liked pushes you down and ruins your new outfit, and you thank him for that. Sorry girls, I've repented. Well… AWESOME kyle.

Well that finishes the Newsletter for this week. If you want to add anyone to our secret community. Have them email and put the subject as, "ADD"

I'll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,


If you smell your hands right after you hold a bunch of pennies. You can pretend for a moment that you're actually a robot.
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