Tiger Woods Says SORRY! OMG!

For those of you that don’t know, JBUDD NEWS is officially writing, REAL news! Not to say that all the stuff I write here ISN’T true, but even more importantly, not to say that it IS true either.

So I got hired on with our school newspaper to write for them. I’m not sure if you can call it news yet, but it’s definitely written on brownish grey paper. Click on the thumbnail if you wanna read the article.

When you think of a journalist what image comes to mind?

BINGO. That’s right! Scarf man comes to mind. That’s what scared me about this whole newspaper ordeal. For one, I don’t look like scarf man! How am I going to be a journalist? And secondly… I don’t think I’ve ever read a newspaper in my life!

In one of our meetings, they showed us an article, and told us how bad it sucked, and how we need to improve our writing. I’m pretty sure it all went over my head. I think I caught the word, “the” a few times, and maybe an “is” but they were speaking in journalist talk. Something about a lead, and everyone was just like “ I CANT believe she WROTE THAT! She talked about BOOKS? HOW BORING!!!!” ,and I was just like… “YEAH take those leads! And WRITE THEM! GOOD! or GOODLY! Or… WELL-LY…” (nice one… now they’ll think I’m good at English.. yes!)

So I’ve been reading a bunch of newspapers lately trying to get the feel for them, and what caught me by surprise was the FRONT PAGE!

You don’t have to be no journalist to answer this question, but… What do you put on the front page?
You’d probably say, the most important, and most interesting news. So on Friday, I popped open the Deseret News, and was reading the front page. The BIG story was about how TIGER WOODS APOLOGIZES. I was thinking… wow, must be a slow news day. I’m not sure how much they can write about that thing, they pretty much covered it in the headline. If I was writing the story, it would go something like this: “Tiger Woods apologized… he said… ‘SORRY’… ‘uh…woops?’ ‘I won’t do it again?’ ‘Promise?’ The end.” But no, this was the TOP story! I don’t really know all the details on that story, but that’s because I DON’T CARE! I don’t even KNOW the guy! Why do I care if he had like a bajillion affairs? He is not apart of my LIFE! I watch him golf, and say, “wow, that guy can golf.” That’s IT! I don’t care what he had for breakfast, or if he’s married or not. I’m pretty sure when all that crap hit the fan, some guy was sitting down on the couch watching the news sayin, “NO KIDDIN! Tiger Woods was married?”
His apology I care even LESS about, because I don’t think he OWES me an apology! What did he do to me? Apologize to your WIFE man! NOT to me! I don’t know you!

Anyway… after wrestling through that grueling 2000 word article, I turned to the SECOND page, and guess what I found?
“Crazy man runs plane into the IRS building, destroying it ALLL! People DYING! TERRORISM! NATIONAL SECURITY!!!”
What? Page 2? This guy just blew up the IRS building? Isn’t that gonna like MESS everything up? Isn’t that along the same magnitude of the Oklahoma Bombing? The type of stuff that ends up in history books? I will be PISSED if I’m helping my future kids with their history homework, and I pop the book open to the 2010 section, and find a big ol picture of TIGER WOODS! Then somewhere else on the page in fine print, “a man blew up the IRS building this year also. By the way.”

What has the world come to when we're more concerned about random dude's affair, than buildings being blown up, and people dying.

I’m just sayin…

JBUDD OUT!

PS we wrote a new song, check us out here: