Monday, May 24, 2010

Bill Gates Owes Me a Million Dollars...

Oh hey… how’s it going? I feel like I’m talking to someone I haven’t seen in a couple years that I was never really that close to. You get that dry conversation going… oh boy nothing more engaging than participating in small talk.
“How’s it going?”
“Pretty good, how ‘bout you?”
“so what’ve you been up to?”
“not much, how bout you?”
“you know, same old same old”
“sweet, well nice seeing you again!”
“yeah, see you around sometime”
“yeah, for sure”
“see ya”
“yeah, bye”

Basically that conversation accomplished the same thing as if both parties just stared at each other making a loud moaning sound, “Uhhh…” But for real, when you have those tofu filled conversations, nothing is really being said… there’s no ACTUAL communication going on, we don’t learn more about the other person than before. Really what we’re actually doing is acknowledging that the other person exists. WE KNOW EACHOTHER! I KNOW HIM!!! I hadn’t seen him for awhile and was wondering if he’d gone mute since the last time I saw him, but he definitely did NOT!

I’d love to revolutionize the whole greeting process. That conversation probably would have taken about 20 seconds to fluff through. I think we could improve that time significantly by saying instead, “I acknowledge your existence…” and then move on. No stopping or anything. You both just know that you know each other. And with all that free time saved, we could increase our nations potential output and increase the overall economy, and pull us out of the recession…. Really, all of our economic problems could be led back to small talk…

Anyway… what’s up with me? Well I thought you’d never ask…

School just ended for old JBUDD. It seemed like just yesterday that I was writing in here making fun of old farm. Let’s look into JBUDD past and reflect on this past year… like a clip show if you will:

JBUDD NEWS Aug. 2009
I got me an apartment The locals like to call the place, “old farm” I’m no business marketing genius, but that place doesn’t sound too appetizing… what’s the first thing you think of when you hear, “OLD FARM…” just close your eyes and picture it… what do you see? AN OLD FARM!!! A big field with fences made from logs from the 1800’s that the bugs have rotted away, and the second story has fallen into the first, and just cows and poo… What type of image are they going for? So I’m gonna bring my cowboy boots and hat, and show up to the office riding a horse, and ask the manager there, “NOW WHERE’S this OLD FARM I be hearin ‘bout? All I see is a bunch of HOUSES!” then just see what they say… I’ll just hold a strait face…
I also said that I was going to tell everyone my name was Rain. That lasted like a week, and I couldn’t take it anymore, it was like part of me was dying every time I was saying it… maybe it was because I’d eventually have to change this newsletter to RBUDD NEWS. Yeah THAT sounds cool. “hey everybody, I just got an RBUDD news in my inbox.!” No one would break out into cheering, singing and dancing like they do with JBUDD news.

Dec. 2009
The rain gutter right above my doorway is broken, which causes some sweet spillage, creating this decent puddle right outside my door. To add fire to the fuel, I live in LOGAN! and if hell was located here, it would indeed be frozen over. So this puddle is soon going to turn into a nice sheet of black ice… NOW all I need to do is slip on it, and break some sweet bone-age, and I can sue for damages! So I’ve been biding my time and waiting for that sweet payout. I just need a couple ace bandages, and I’ll be set!
Remember me saying that? Well guess what? A couple months later they had some guy came out in the middle of the winter and fixed it! I swear they read my post or something. I met this girl who had a job at western watts (the place that I applied at two posts ago) and apparently she posted on HER blog a bunch of crap about the place, and they found it, fired her, and wouldn’t hire one of her friends simply because he KNEW her… So apparently they have some guy search “Western Watts” on Google all day trying to find if any employee is posting garbage about their precious cowboy image that they’re trying to maintain. 1st of all, I would love that job, cuz I’m pretty sure you get to sit around 99 percent of the day doing NOTHING, and 2nd that probably means that I’ve already been black listed several times on their radar. I was hoping to get a job there in the fall, but I’m sure I’ll walk into my interview and bomb the first question”
“What’s your name?”
That’s when the little red button underneath the desk is pressed and red lights start flaring as the whole building is evacuated…

So what I’m trying to say is if the company found that on HER blog… Is it outrageous to say that old farm found MY complaint? So in other words… I can get whatever I want by writing it here! MAN I HATE how Bill Gates NEVER gives me a million dollars! GOSH! What a LOSER!!!! GET A LIFE! What, you think going to Africa and trying to stop aids makes up for the fact that I still DON’T have a million dollars?! How selfish of you…

Anyway… To be continued…
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