Monday, January 24, 2011

Recent Discoveries in JBUDDtopia #2

Remember that one time that I spent like 3 posts ranting about how cool my car was?  Well either do I...  I really don't know how to break it to you guys in any soft squishy way, but... The USS Budd is dead.  It was assassinated Thursday morning.  ALIENS, actually came and invaded the earth.  I bet you guys didn't hear about that one...  It's that dang liberal media distorting the truth again.  If America knew aliens were here.  George Bush would somehow end up as president again.  It's just the inconvenient truth.

How do I know aliens are here?  Well if we learned nothing else from Steven Spielberg's War of the Worlds, it's that when ALIENS come.  Cars die.  I don't remember WHY exactly, but it had something to do with the aliens wanting their solenoids back.  "HEY, these guys got SOLENOIDS in their cars!  Only ALIENS get to have weird names like solenoid..."

So they shot their solenoid deflector ray, and all the cars wouldn't start... Except Tom Cruise's car.  His car started.  Why?  because HE'S TOM FREAKIN CRUISE!  He does what he WANTS!

So in memory of the USS BUDD.  I discovered some new discoveries.  (that's the only way to get 'em):
Discovery #1
My car is WEAK sauce!

You know what's going on there?  It's STUCK!  STUCK?! HOW?! WHERE?! WHY?!  Yep.  It's stuck alright.  I was going thru a pretty decently sized dip.  I slowed down so my extremely long and low bumper wouldn't break the road in half.  and... It got stuck.  It's not a BIG dip, but it was dippy enough...  There was a person behind me, and he was like, "what the heck?!"  I don't know how you communicate this to complete strangers, "I need a push!"  Maybe they should come up with an international sign to let people know you need a push.  They got one for choking.   Maybe... you could just do the macarina and everyone will jump out of their car and come to the rescue.

Discovery #2
Don't buy the cheap rip off version of Captain Eo's shirt.
I was asleep not far from where that picture was taken.  I was having a very bizzar dream about aliens and Michael Jackson.  Except I WAS Michael Jackson.  After waking up in a cold sweat, I quickly went to the top of mount Everest and talked to the Sherpa up there and asked him what the dream meant.  It was so obvious.  I was kicking myself all the way down the mountain for not getting it.  Silly me, it meant I should buy Captain Eo's Shirt!  (Click here if you have no idea what I'm talking about)
Turns out the shirt came with a little hole in it tho.

Discovery #3
I was wandering thru the library one day, when I saw it.  the DOUBLE RAINBOW.  I almost fell over, but my knees caught me as I sat there and sobbed.  I wish I saw this before I went to the Sherpa man.  Definitely would have asked him, "What does it MEAN?!!"  Too much... too much...

Discovery #5
Moldiest Bread
Originally it was brown, but the mold spores got together with the bread cells, and had a meeting, "In celebration of the merger between bread and mold, we've decided we want to go with a new image.  We feel GREEN will really seperate us from our competitors."  It sure did mold.  Smart business move. All I know is your BROWN friends didn't end up in the garbage.

Discovery #6
Worst place to have nothing to drop.

Imagine dropping something down that.  wouldn't that be like the coolest thing in the world?  What would you give to drop something down that?  and Where are you going with your life?  have you ever asked these golden questions to yourself?

Discovery #7
Waterless urinal?
Are you kidding me?  Someone got paid millions of dollars to come up with this?  Isn't this the same invention as the DRAIN?  Isn't that a step BACKWARDS in technology?  I'm pretty sure before we had WATER-ED urinals, we had the WATERLESS urinal.

Discovery #8
I'm just not sure WHAT they're wanting me to try...

Discovery #9
We're teaching bulimia at such a young age now.
It says, "feed me." I'm surprised they expect kids to know how to work this thing.

 Discovery #9
what the heck?
Don't you hate when that happens?

Discovery #10
I need to move my hands even LESS now...
This bad boy does EVERYTHING.  All you do is put your hand in and start wiggling them around.  After a couple minutes, it will have shot soap at you, followed by water, and then semi-warm air that is intended to dry your hands, which job is usually taken on by our pants after sitting there impatiently for a couple seconds.

I guess the next step is combining the urinal with this thing.  Get it all done at once.  Maybe eventually we'll see a waterless washing station too?

Discovery #11
Buzz has taken, "To infinity and beyond!" to a whole new level.
I'm not sure I want a sip of that drink...
Photo Courtesy of K-Swift

Speaking of K-Swift, J-films has gotten another family member.  If you haven't seen it, you should definitely check it out

K-Swift - Enchanted Music Video

Til Next Time... JBUDD OUT!!!
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