Thursday, August 11, 2011

What to do next time you're on fire

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I just got done with EFY. One thing that caught my attention is those little braille signs everywhere. Every class room, elevator and emergency exit has some braille written under it. I'm sure you've seen them. I'm sure some congressman 20 years ago thought it was a brilliant way of helping the blind, but lets be honest: How many times have you ever seen a blind person just hugging the walls and FEELING around? "I KNOW THERE'S SOME BRAILLE SOMEWHERE! You can't hide forever!"

Next time I see a two blind guys, I might be tempted to pull the fire alarm.

In the dorms I was staying in, it had the escape plan written inside each room with a little map. I can understand the map if you've got some secret passages in the building, but most of us know where the front door is. I was looking at it, and basically it had a red arrow directing me outside. I was thinking, "OH, so if there's a fire, I want to go OUTside! OH OK! My original plan was to run TOWARDS the fire!"

If there's fire in your hall, my first response isn't going to be. "Hmm... I wonder if there's any good literature posted on the wall..." It's gonna be, "AAAAHHH! fire fire fire fire!" I might be jumping through my glass window, or maybe doing some stop drop and rolls. I'm not going to be looking for the fire escape plan!

Stop drop and roll. Isn't that a convenient little rhyme. I'm convinced that it's not coincidence, because that's not how we practiced it. In our extensive elementary training on the subject, it was more: "lay down and roll!" I would, however, enjoy seeing someone who actually was on fire running around then suddenly stop like they hit a brick wall, going completely limp like they're dead, and then start rolling around. Actually, now that I mention it, just seeing someone on fire would be pretty funny. ESPECIALLY if they were running around frantically. you know what I would tell him? "STOP DROP AND ROLL! JUST STOP DROP AND ROLL!"

That phrase was pounded into our heads while going thru our school systems. When we were in Kindergarten they taught the system like so:
"Mr. Biggles (who just happens to be an imbecile (and a bunny rabbit)) was playing with matches. He lit himself on fire. What should he do?"
Kids hands shoot up in the air.
"not play with matches!"
"Very good Billy, but he's alREADY on fire. So it's a little too late for that isn't it?"
(Billy cowers in the corner.)
"Timmy? you got the answer?"
"Is it... Stop Drop and Roll?"
"correct. One gold star for Timmy!"

When we're in 8th grade it gets a little tougher:
"OK twerps. Lets say you and your punk friends are riding the bus. 14 kids are girls, and 15 are guys. The bus driver is from Mexico. 8 of you leave the bus when a Shiite jumps out from the bushes with a flame thrower and torches 3 of your friends dead, and leaves you on fire... what do you do?"
Kids pencils are flying.
"14 girls? (scratch scratch scratch) Mexican... (scratch scratch)"
Smart kid raises his hand.
"is the answer... Stop Drop and Roll?"
"3 Gold Stars for Yoshi."
"Hip hip hurray! hip hip hurray!"

at least that's how it was in MY school...

***Story of the Week***
This story dates back to Aug. 16 2007 when I was in the MTC.

I woke up to an alarm that I've never heard of before. After a few beeps I decided in my mind "That's the fire alarm!" so very robotically I got out of bed and flipped on the light to the groan of everyone in the room. I went and shook my companion awake. "hey the fire alarm's going off!" So we all woke up, I very quickly grabbed my name tag, wallet, and sandals and took off towards the exit in hopes to get my companion to hurry up. I was kind of excited about the whole thing and secretly wanted it to be real. I looked at my watch. 5:00am.

Finally my companion came and we went outside as the whole building of elders started to congregate. The Samoans and Tongans looked like they were going to freeze to death and one had a giamungus blanket and was still shivering. Everyone was in a zombie like daze when I finally came to my senses as I thought to myself out loud, "why am I wearing my name tag?" to the laughter of everyone around me.

Finally security shows up and clears the building and finds the problem. Someone wanted to microwave popcorn at 5 in the morning. He probably woke up in the middle of the night and looked at that popcorn and said to himself, "I cannot sleep another minute until the popcorn is UP IN FLAMES! so we all went back to bed a little more pissed than normal.

Security knocked on our door.
"did any of you guys do it?" and we told him "no." When he left McFarland said, "It was ME! I got up, put the popcorn in for 30 minutes then went back to bed!" must have been the time of the night, but it seemed really funny. The next day, we were pestering an elder about it we said, "Elder Meyers! why did you catch your popcorn on fire?" and he shot back. "well... I like my food HOT!" in a matter of fact way.

I recently ran into this elder Meyers at EFY (he was working too.) and caught a candid stalker shot of him. Enjoy.

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