Sunday, January 14, 2007

The 8 cow wife. Steve Young's jersey number.

Well we’re all starting to get back to the swing of life… During Christmas break we had the opportunity to “jump out” of our swings. With a nice temporary rush of flying to the air, coming to a climatic crash with the ground. But now it’s time to jump back on. Start pumping again and work our way back up to our repetitive lives. Some of you might not be quite there. Some of you might still be immature and are swinging on your stomachs. Which seemed like a good idea at first, but you soon realize that all your blood has rushed to your head, and you’re starting to feel sick.

Remember those good ol’ elementary recess days? Swings… monkey bars… SLIDES!
You know I think that these were all failed attempts at our parents trying to kill their kids. “why don’t you climb up that really tall ladder up there, and go down that metal surface with temperatures near liquid magma, and lets see if you can break the land speed record.” Because that’s what we were all trying to do in our childish minds. We weren’t there to ‘have fun’ we were there to break some world records. Remember that first time down the slide? “you want me to do what!.... WHY!!!.... yeah you’ll catch me…right! Why should I trust you! Oh you got candy? Ok!” kids live on candy. When you’re a kid nutrition is buskins. All that other food was grown up food. But KIDS… THEY ATE CANDY. Candy was OUR food. It was our medicine. “I’m feeling a tummy ach coming on.” “I recommend 1 pack of smarties!” Smarties I’m pretty sure in every kids life was one point used as medicine.
As a kid your status in the classroom all depended on how you performed out on the field. Remember that kid that could do the back flip out of that swing? Yeah, he was cool. He could be the dorkiest kid in class. But if he pulled off that back flip. He became the new idol. He was like Anubis mated with Venus, and that’s the god that came out. The back flip god. We actually built alters to that god. Out of our soft padded gravel ground.

I want to meet the guy who invented the idea of gravel. I want to have him take a look at all the scars in my hands and knees and make him pay for all my lost childhood. Since when was using rocks to break your fall the best solution. And who decided to give us authority to have USE of these rocks. These weapons of mass destruction. I think there has been more scrapes and injuries caused by gravel then any other medium on the planet. Kids throwing it at eachother. Little Timmy is eating it in the corner. The new challenger to the land speed record on the slide makes one wrong calculation and goes flying into this buckshot called gravel….
Remember having to pick the rocks out from beneath your skin? Remember that kid who DIDN’T cry when he got hurt? Yeah he was like Ra and Aphrodite mated. A bird woman. The goddess bird of… not crying. Yeah that kid was cool. But not as cool as back flip kid. I never became backflip kid. I still envy backflip kid. Backflip kid is STILL one step higher then me.

>>>>ANYWAY #1

I’m glad you could all make it out to JBUDD news today. I think Today I’m going to share with you a bunch of ‘mini-stories.’ And their SHOULD be a bunch of pictures attached to this one. So make sure you give them a look see.


So as most of you DON’T know. I was sitting at my apartment minding my own business and some girl came in and was trying to hold my hand and stuff. So Ben tells Quin about this weird escapade. Quin Just HAPPENED to get a new phone that very day… Hmm… So what does Quin’s small little mind formulate? Well of course. He’s going to pretend that He’s stalker girl.
So he texts me, “hey buddy how’s it going?” “who is this?” “we shared a special night last night, I can’t believe you don’t remember me” yada “this is GirlX” yada “I’m in Riverton” “Oh good, that means we can break honor code all we want!” at that point I’m getting creaped out. Yada. “ok, I just pulled off the Riverton exit where do you live!”
AAAAAH! Yeah, I’m freaking out. I was in a panic, I called Ben. I’m asking girls what I should do. Some Weirdo stalker person is coming for me, and she wants action. And I DON’T! About an hour passes, and finally Quin reveals it was him.

Ok, so after I hit him. We tell a few people of the funny story. One which happens to be Kelsey.

side note:
Kelsey is hereby banned from JBUDD NEWS for “back biting” about it. for “trashing” on it. Sorry toots, but I don’t need you. One less isn’t going to affect me AT ALL! SO HIT THE ROAD! ;)

So unknown number starts texting me. “guess who this is?” “let me guess GirlX?” “oh you’re good!” “yeah shut up quin.” “who’s quin?” yada, yada yada. She did a decent job of being convincing, and acting offended at the stuff I was saying because I assumed it was quin.
Then later that night I get a text, “so you never knew what phone this was.” “I don’t know how I got pulled into this whole GirlX thing lol.” Yada “I can see your house from mine” yada “we met at the assembly” yada me:”oh, Rachel’s friend?” “YA you got it!” “I just couldn’t stop thinking about you ever since I met you!” …. “QUIN?” yada
Turns out it’s Kelsey. Haha good fun. And we talked for awhile and she said the following line: “what are you going to do if this happens for real?”

So I’m driving to my cabin to go snow shoe-ing. And I get a text, “guess who this is?” “let me guess GIRLX!” “no” “duh Quin your dumb” “what’s a Quin?” yada “I’ll give you a hint, we shared a special night together”
OH, what an original line! If they are trying to be convincing they need to start getting some new lines. So at this point I decide just to blow it out of proportion, it’s either Kelsay or Quin. So I’m just going to start some smack talking.
“oh, one of those?” “geez, how many of those have you had?” “oh, about one every night.” “ I’m pissed yada!” “yeah whatever Quin” “I’m not Quin!” “then when was our escapade?” “it was like late augest?” “Murray?” “good job! Got a name?” then I recall an account with some Murray girl, it really wasn’t anything big. And Kelsey’s bro, Austen was there. So I figure he’s feeding her the info. And I REFUSE to get tricked again. “ok what’s your last name? if you’re actually her…” “name y” I’m a little scared because it’s the right last name. but I forgot which first named lined up with which girls last name. So I tell her this, “is it Marta, Kelsey?” “it’s not Kelsay, it’s CHELSAY!” yada yada, it was the REAL DEAL this time. And she got all pissed. It was funny. Ironic.

So I was walking down the hall, and I noticed someone familiar. Turns out she was a guest appearance on silverscreen. Ironic. Kind of lame… but IRONIC.

So I’m selling Colin’s English book. I post the following on a bulletin board: “ English 1010 book for sell 555-2578” and so last Friday during class I get a text from some dude trying to buy the book from me. So throughout the day I’m kind of texting him about when we’re going to meet, and such. Because I don’t have the book on me, It’s at my apartment which takes a half hour to get there on bus 830. So I tell him, “I’ll have the book here at 2:30” so make a note that I jump on but 830 at about 1:23 and get back at 2:45. and because I’m late he needs to go to work, so he drives to the bus stop in his car to come pick the book up from me. Some weirdo that I’ve never met. Some man I’m supposed to TRUST that he’s not going to shoot me, rape me, and steel my book. I’m a bit terrified at this point. The car drives up and I hear a familiar voice. “jesse?” I look in the car, “trevor?” Turns out I was TEXTING a kid about selling a book who sits right next to me in my 12:00 class! I was texting him while he was right next to me!!! IRONIC.

Ok, so lets go back to this bus 830 drive down there. On the way to go pick up this book, I’m sitting there just looking hot and stuff. I notice this girl in a white jacket is STARING at me. So in a traditional JBUDD way, I STARE right back, until she breaks the eye contact. So we’re riding. And another girl says to me, “do you know any McBrides?” DANG that name sounds familiar! I personally think this was just a lame pick up line she’s trying to pull on me, but I reply, “no” “because you look sexy and I wouldn’t MIND being your McBride!” INSANE HUH!!! Well that actually didn’t happen. But I sertainly hope to see McDonalds to eventually do wedding services at a discount price. “I’ll order one McBride… TO GO!”
You know working at a sandwich shop I’ve noticed something about the “TO GO!” “TO GO” is NEVER a kind word. “TO GO” is a DEMAND!!! “TO GO” is never soft spoken, it has to be yelled. “TO GO” communicates on so many different levels, it means, “I don’t feel that you are competent enough for you to ASK me if I want to stay or to go, and I feel that if I say ‘TO GO’ as loud as I can, by the laws of nature you will be REQUIRED to make my sandwich faster then milk goes through my digestive system.”


So the girl sais to me, she says. “because you look exactly like my friend.” So I say to her obviously, “oh, so he’s hot?” and she laughs, “He just asked the same question!” holding up her phone signifying that she was texting him…. Now this whole time the girl in the white sweater is eyeing me down….

So eventually I look on to “face book” for those of you who don’t know what facebook is, it’s basically Myspace without the porn. But there’s a comment there.
Now for those of you who don’t use myspace or facebook. There’s an unwritten measure of coolness on these sites. Much like the kid who can do a back flip in the swing. But instead It’s about how many “friends” you have. So one day when I was bored I just added a bunch of random people. Thinking that I might try to talk with them and maybe meet them. But I got to lazy and never cared too.
So it turns out the girl in the white Jacket was one of those girls that I randomly added. And she recognized me but was too scared to say anything… IRONIC.

So the new semester starts and as usual there’s a bunch of new people in our college ward. And I notice that these two cute girls are looking at me. So me and Ben go meet them. Yada. This Friday there was a BYU dance, and they happened to be there. YADA me and this one girl were hitting it off and we are going to go sledding after the dance. So we’re changing to get into our winter cloths. And I realized something… I DON’T HAVE ANY!!! So I’m looking for stuff I can wear, I left all my real clothes at my hometown. But I manage to find my old track warm-ups that say, “Riverton high” on the back of them. So we go over to there house and she says, “… oh no” now this girl is from California. Just to remind you. “don’t tell me you’re from Riverton…(sort of laughing)” well folks, as most of you know, I in fact AM from Riverton. And I’d like to take this time to remind you of the control I have over all of you. I just left you hanging, and you have to read through all this garbage to find out the end. So send me five dollars in the mail ;)
So She sais, “don’t tell me you’re from Riverton.” Turns out. She dated, uh hem. TREVOR SMITH. For those of you who don’t know. He was my predecessor as SBO. I replaced him. And we were pretty tight. Like father like son I guess… but hopefully that’s not true for all things. ;) … IRONIC!!!

****Short story (really)****

Well I know some of you wait for JBUDD news for weeks. And it’s a long time in-between. So I’m going to give you plenty of material to think, and ponder upon. So here’s a quick short story.

There is a dark room. It is motionless except an arm reaching for the light switch. A click is heard as the room is flooded with light traveling at the speed of light. There is a kid standing there wearing nothing but the cloths on his back, a wide brimmed fedora hat, a suit jacket, and a guitar. Me and Ben were bored. So we decied to serenade people to the song. “growin old with you” by adam sandler. After getting bored with doing it to the people in my ward. I decided to take it up a notch and walk into random apartments of people I had no idea who they were. I walked into there house. Without saying a single word. The first noise heard from me is the strum of my guitar, as I stair deeply into a girl’s eye and sing to my hearts content. Then they begin to feel all awkward. I give them a slight grin. They try to talk to me. I won’t pay attention. I finish the song. And without a word I’m gone. GONE like the nights wind. The unmasked romantic hero with no name. when asked what my name is I turn quickly and say to them in a deep dangerous resonate tone…, “danger has no name” It made me smile. NOT IRONIC!!!

****The Future of I****

Well I just wanted you to all know that I’ve got an interview schedualated to become an Ambassador at UVSC. I’m going up against 6 other weenies. I sent in my amazing resume, and let’s all just assume that I got it. So for this next day you can all think I’m cool for a change. So from here on out, I want you to all be calling me, “ambassador JBUDD” (please don’t call me that) I just wanted you all to think I’m actually doing something before I get rejected. But we’ll see… ;)

Well that ends it for today. I hope you can all keep your pants on until I write my next one. And I don’t want anyone to let Kelsey Whitaker read this. K? … K

My fish died, jesse. Rest in peace, neil. You were a good fish.
-Loni Pilcher USU

you know, I had a goldfish that I loved. His name was “Dork Fish” this fish was the only fish I’ve seen swim upside down. Luckily goldfish have only a 3 second memory, or else he would be extremely depressed. He swims up to every single other fish in the tank and says to them, “will you be my frend??!!” and they just look at him and say, “It’s DorkFish guys, lets get out of here.” I’m serious. He swims around the fish tank towards other fish all day, and all day they just run from him. I like him…. He reminds me of a younger me. Rest in peace dork fish. And you too neil. I’m sure Dorkfish and Niel would have been lovers. By the way attached is a picture of his grave site. Thanks Loni for your state of the art camera work.
May we all learn a lesson from Loni, Loni had entered my into her phone. So she can text me anytime she wants. I want the rest of you to do that. K? …K


Hey J Budd,
I just recently made this cool music video and i would be honored if you would so kindly tell everyone about it in you fantastic newsletter (which I love by the way). I want to see how popular it can become. Keep up the good work and I will await your upcoming newsletter.

Brad C.
"The Claw"
Tell them that they need to rate it and leave a comment also.


Well there it is folks. But I would like to reward my special viewers that are still reading this part with a special treat. I love you guys. I just uploaded 3 new videos. So now This whole, “clubfilm” thing is more then just a name.

You know whats gay about those first two? (except the movie) Those pieces of crap are like growing faster then any of my other movies have been. SO lets try and make these things popular. For those of you who don’t know. If you leave a comment and a rating, google ranks it higher. If you search “coldplay clocks” I’m currently the second video there. If you search, “Imac G5” I’m on the first page. Coo’ huh? Enjoy. Enjoy at my pride’s expense.


Well that finishes the Newsletter for this week. If you want to add anyone to our secret community. Have them email and put the subject as, "ADD"

I'll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,


I just found out I had an 8 cow wife… yeah I sold her last week! -ME
Blog contents © JBUDD NEWS 2009. Blogger Template by Nymphont. Blogger Templates created by Deluxe Templates Css template by Arcsin