As most of you know, a large chunk of my life I grew up as being Amish. Technology wasn't apart of my life. Heck, my family never OWNED a VCR until I was in the 6th grade! 6th GRADE!!! I remember that day we bought it. It was family night... It was the night, that my childhood fantasies would be fulfilled. I was filled with HOPE, VISION, Eccentricity! Wait till I tell all my friends at school!
Turned out that everyone else already had one... they threw rocks at me... I retaliated... I got sent to the principles office... 10 recesses of detention... I cried.
That's one thing that STILL bothers me to this day. I can't count how many times I would get in trouble for RETALIATING. What's the big deal? Am I supposed to just sit there and let these guys beat me up and then say, “oh what a golly round! How bout' you come over for some tea later on at my house, yes?” well I tried it... They threw rocks at me... I retaliated... 20 recesses detention.
You may laugh at how big of a deal we made out of buying this VCR. But you have to realize, my WHOLE life, I've grown up without it.
Which confused the H out of me when got a VHS tape for Christmas entitled, “Counting Numbers!” when I was five. ... EVERY Child's dream movie. Who needs Disney? “Who needs the brave little toaster! I've got COUNTING NUMBERS! I don't need to see those movies to fit in at school! I'll just COUNT to all my friends and they'll be KNEELING down at my Counting numbers tape... and my light up 'Lighting shoes...'” Remember those shoes? Ya you know which ones... I used to call them SESURE SHOES... because one day my mom finally gave in, and let me have some so I can be cool at school (apparently my friends weren't too fond of my counting numbers.) long story short, my grandma is in a coma now. God bless her.
>>>>>ANYWAY #1
I'm glad you could all make it out to this weeks JBUDD NEWS. This week I'm going to talk about the RECENT technologies that I have discovered throughout this week. We'll see if I get to any stories. This week I've got one of this BEST stories as of yet. But I CAN'T TELL YOU GUYS... It's NO NO FAIR. Most of you know anyway... and it's funny.
**Discovery #1:**
“SURE”
The quickest and best way to end ANY texting conversation. I've found this to be useful this past week. My roommate and I (who shan't be named) were talking about how to respond to a text. “I'm so glad, that you're friends with him (me) now, because if you weren't, I would have never met you...” So we were thinking... “uh... alright” what do you say to that! “ok” “...sure” and that's when it hit us... SURE! So my roommate sent the “sure” text. In the comic relief to everyone in the room. (me and him. Or rather him and me. For you English nerds.)
Side note:
ok, I just asked Ben, “how do you spell relief” because I was trying to spell it, “releaf” and he said, “Advil.” funny.
So in conclusion. I've been using “sure” religiously now. I mostly try to use it in ways that it doesn't even make any grammatic sense. “so what are you doing later tonight!” uh... “SURE!” So I challenge all of you to use “SHURE” at least TWICE in this next work week. Sound good?
**DISCOVERY #2**
when signing up for a class entitled, “Human development” Expect this class to be rated X! For scar-ing me for the rest of my life. I'm not sure WHY I signed up for it. Apparently you're only supposed to take it if you're going to be a doctor or a nurse. I don't PLAN on being a doctor, and I'm a man. So that eliminates both of those. So Basically I signed up for a sex ed class for no reason. Let me paint the picture...
There Is exactly 5 males to every 35 Females in this class of mine. I always thought this to be a curious thing until one day. This day I happened to try a new route to class. A “shortcut” and to my surprise, it ended up making me 10 minutes late. Hmm... So as I walk into the room, I am shocked and horrified . On the projector screen is a video about live child birth happening. Being utterly (ha) disgusted. I sat down. With my hand trembling, I pulled out my note pad and pencil. And I attached a picture of the notes I took. All I wrote down was three words, “child birth anyone?” and drew two guys throwing up on each side of it.
**DISCOVERY #3**
When riding on the bus 830. Try to find a seat next to two Chinese people conversing. And two Spanish people conversing, and just listen for best comedic results.
**DISCOVERY #4**
When calling someone with an almost dead battery, don't try to attempt to say the sentence, “I was just calling to see if you're still keeping the law of chastity” because fate will REQUIRE your battery to die right after you say that. To the comedic result to the 40 year old man sitting next to you. I was bitter towards that man... he threw rocks at me... 30 recesses of detention.
**DISCOVERY #5**
When mopping the floor at your work. Try to refrain from having sliding contests. This will most likely result with a man going thru a wall. (forgot to take a picture.)
**DISCOVERY #6**
Quin and Kip are leaving on their missions Wednesday. Quin and Phil have requested for me to send them JBUDD NEWS through the mail. But I'm not sure if I can translate it into Spanish, and Virginian. But I'll try. ;)
**DISCOVERY #7
Octopus doesn't taste too good.
**DISCOVERY #8**
A set of scriptures CAN weigh more then an average new born.
To explain a little more. I went to Kips ward after his farewell. And I went to this class and this lady had the biggest, most USED scriptures I have ever seen. These things can be seen from space. In every page is stuffed clippings, articles, and pamphlets that have to do with the scriptures on the page. They are 7 years old.
**DISCOVERY #9**
a bottle of Crystal water CANNOT be opened by Dallas Osbourne's butt cheeks.
**DISCOVERY #10**
Me and RYAN SHUPE would make a good couple ;)
>>>>ANYWAY #2
Well that concludes my discoveries. My inventions for this week. I hope you enjoyed. Now I'm here to conclude a story from last newsletter. I'm sure most of you are still calling me 'Ambassador JBUDD' and I'll give you the verdict on this.
So I turned in my big packet. My Resume of mystery and wonders to the Student Government officials at UVSC. A few minutes later I receive a phone call, telling me I have an interview with The Vice President of Clubs, to see if I could be the one. The CHOSEN CHILD that could lead UVSC to greater new heights. So the day came (last Tuesday) I'm as calm as an ox. I'm waiting in the waiting room. One by one, my fellow attempters are being picked off. Walking out of the conference room trembling. A moment of time passes me. “JESSE BUDD!” I hear my name off afar. IT is my turn. My pivotal point of my life lies in this interview. I walk into a room that resembled the flight deck on Star Treck. With a conference table the size of my first VCR. Which WHO KNOWS how many people there. I would guess 8 but I don't remember too much about it.
The interviewing commences. Questions are flying, tears are being shed. And I'm as calm as a dandelion in a patch of grass. My main goal was to make them laugh, and cry. And I did both. When asked, “what fruit would you be and why?” I responded without missing a beat. “that's easy. I would be a banana. Because they are tall, like I am. And they are curved, which represents that they don't think like the rest of the world. They are DIFFERENT. They don't just go straight. And also they are YELLOW. Which yellow is the first color you see, which means that I would stand out.”
Long story short. I didn't get the position. And you know what I thought? MEH!
I didn't try out to get the position. I tried out to TRY. Abraham Lincoln failed at being a businessman, a politician and Thirteen attempts at being elected to political office before finally becoming the president of the united states. And most scholars today call him the best president ever. Mucho numero uno! By trying, I upheld a promise I kept to myself. “I will NOT let ANY opportunities pass me by.” I actually carry a paper in my pocket. And every time I pass an opportunity by I have to leave a mark on the paper. Even though I didn't get ambassador JBUDD. I'm even gladder that I didn't have to leave a mark on that paper.
But if you want to continue calling me AMBASSADOR! Your are more then welcome!
Well folks. JBUDD NEWS has almost trippled in its production from the first little newsletters to now. So that means to all you stock holders out there, you will be getting a 10% raise!!! (makes sense) It's a good day to be alive. I just added our 140th member yesterday. so to celebrate I made the whole thing in a .pdf format attached to the email. so enjoy that. I'm also attaching a picture of our freinds to the north, USU, making a swiming pool full of spaghetti! Because I think that's rad. And it follows many of the principles that JBUDD NEWS likes to teach. GO COWS!!! and I'm going to re-attach my desktop picture. For some reason it doesn't want to appear. so right click of the file thethreecs.jpg and save as. and download it. Jorien made it, and it's hot.
ALSO for the 10th edition I want to do something special. SO email me your favorite JBUDD Moment. thanks. JBUDD OUT!!
I'll talk to you again soon.
Your Friend,
JBUDD
