Thursday, February 1, 2007

She's a 10 boys! EH HOOO!

Isn't it a beautiful sight? It's been a rough journey, but we all managed to make it here tonight... to the beast we call JBUDD NEWS 10th edition. The road was a long one. It was like unto a stone cut out of the mountain without hands. Rolling down some hill of possibility, approaching speeds near mach 3, picking up more momentum. Growing larger and LARGER until it finally filled the whole earth. Team JBUDD. You deserve a round of applause.

Round of applause always confused the H out of me. As a kid I wasn't much into the whole HOMOPHONE garbage that teachers Tried to feed me. (what were they thinking) So that sentence was interpreted into several ways In my 2nd grade mind. Either a circular applause. (which was popularized by the colt known as cub scouts.) or my personal favorite. A round of a plause. Because plause is the root word to plausible. Which is sorta like possible. So in reality. A round of applause meant to me. A circular ball of possibility. Which is.... JBUDD NEWS?

>>>>ANYWAY #1
ok ok, I'm done trying to turn that around. MUCH TOO HEAVY

I was thinking of a good way to celebrate the big one oh. (10) So I recalled back to my childhood to what I did on MY 10th birthday, and I realized that, THATS when my parents told me about the birds and the bee's...
So I was about to tell everyone out there about the mystery's of these “birds and bee's,” and why they have any relevance to “S.” But instead I'm going to randomly kick someone off my newsletter: you are hereby banished in honor of the tenth anniversary. Beautiful.

Speaking of crying. I sold my Motercycle. “Deathtrap” is what you liked to be called by. So this letter is going out to you little guy...

Story of the Week:
It was a dark and stormy night. Lightning clashing in my pounding ear
drums that seemed to foretell something to me. DANGER. Resounded
in my head. Lightning clashed as two dark figures were standing at the
rainy doorway. I woke up. But quickly fell back asleep. Within a flash of lightning the figures in the door were in and out of site. Gone with one of our precious possessions. When our apartment awoke there was a knife stabbed into the table with a ransom note.
“You may have noticed that you are missing one of your family members... yes, thats right, your FAVORITE family member! Muahahaha!”
“OH NO! THE COUCH IS GONE” said Gorden.
“those B-words! They'll pay for this... THEY'LL PAY before the stars fall from the sky... they'll pay!!!” I said as I rent my shirt, mostly for effect. But even MORE mostly to show off my ripped pectorals and biceps. Almost immediately after my shirt ripping, 3 mighty fine specimens of girl ran up to my muscles and proceeded to rub baby oil all over them. I continued to read...
“In order to get that which you covet the most back. You must do the following at ward prayer”
Basically, Rustin had to say he was engaged at ward prayer to some girl in our ward. Even though they weren't. (if you ask me, I think she just likes him. ;)
We were concerned for our dear friend. All alone out in that lonely world. Locked behind the Chastity line of apartment S210. Girls playing “house” with it. Doing those weird things girls do... Putting makeup on it. Having tickle fights in there underwear in front of him.
We began to formulate a plan. Pencil shavings were flying, the clock was ticking ward prayer was coming up. We still needed to solidify our plan. Blueprints of the apartment were being drawn and redrawn. Repelling gear was being tested, and re-tested. Finally after tedious work we came up with the plan.
We went to ward prayer. I sat by one of the perpetrators. Flirted with the 26 year olds all around me. All was normal. The time came. Rustin announced he was engaged, to the laughter of everyone. Our whole apartment was there. S210 was locked. We went back to our apartment and waited with anticipation. And 2 minutes later to our delight came running in 5 distressed girl. CLINGING to my arm.
“The couch sir... the COUCH!!!”
“JUST SAY IT WOMAN WHAT IS IT!” as I slapped her.
“The couch... is STOLEN!” as she fainted to the floor.
I picked her back up and acted EXACTLY how I'd act if my couch had been stolen.
“what did you do with our couch!” “this isn't funny!” “I'm telling the manager!” “grow up!” “I can't believe you guys... It's all fun and games until someone loses a couch!”
They bought it....
They STILL bought it...
Lets back up.
Our apartments here at Campus Plaza, are completely Security proof. There is no breech of security seemingly possible... except ONE place...
Every apartment has a hole in the floor and ceiling leading to the apartments above and below it, located in the water heater closet. We contacted the people on third and 1st floor. They crawled thru. Grabbed the couch, and put it in our appartment. We had to take off the hinges of our door to put it in our room. Mission complete.
Meanwhile... We had our replacement couch that consisted of two chairs with a blanket over it. And yes, a girl tried to sit in between the two, and fell through.

They bought it. They felt SO bad. And why didn't they suspect us you ask? Well they did! But our acting was on that night. Maybe it was the dew in the air. But we were as convincing as a... thimble. Let this boil for a day.
In the meantime is when we wrote the song attached to this email, called “Corner Couch” Me and my mysterious roommate. Later that night the next day we were recording the video for the song. (which will soon be on google video, heads up) and we got the word from one of the girl, “what bugs me the most is that we got beat at our own game!” mission complete.

Well download the song. And I'll get that movie up as soon as asap.

Ok, I've got a few mini stories to share with you. JBUDD NEWS is evolving with the growth and expansion of its enterprises. As Bob Frankenburg once wrote:
Change- you can fight it and deny it, and die. You can go along with it and survive. OR you can CAUSE IT, and THRIVE.
And that's what I'm doing. CAUSING change.
So here are my new technological discoveries for this week:

****DISCOVERY #1****
JBUDD News recently made a trip hiking up Y mountain. On our way back, we thought it mandatory to take our shirts off to prove our manlyness.
And as most of you can tell... It worked. ;)
I now have 3 hairs on my chest!

(Thought you lady fans might like that.)

****DISCOVERY #2****

If JBUDD NEWS is copy and pasted and turned in as an Essay for English 1010. You will STILL get an A on the paper.
I assign each of you to use
JBUDD NEWS in at least
ONE of your papers.

****DISCOVERY #3****
When Hiking Y mountain with your shirt off, you will lose hearing in your left ear. And if hearing happens to be your favorite sense, you will be driven to try every suggestion on how to fix your deafness. Which will result in your room mate shoving a flaming piece of paper in your ear trying to “melt” the earwax and have it sucked out. (ps. Didn't work. Still deaf) (actual Photo Below.)

****DISCOVERY #4****
If you're trying to ride the bus to the Provo Health Center. You will MISS the bus 850, and end up having to walk around outside for an hour and a half in 10 degree whether. Upon doing so, you will find that JVC is now repairing cars! This drawing is an almost EXACT REPLICA
Of the Original Building I saw. I was a BIT confused when I saw it. Lets see
If YOU guys notice anything special about it.

****DISCOVERY #6****
While paying your T-Mobile bill thru there automatic voice recording phone call thing. Avoid saying the words, “PAY ALL!!!” because by doing so you will not only pay for the month you're TRYING to pay for, but for the next months also. Which will result in you overdrawing your checking account! ;) good ol' T-Mobile. The best part is them not telling you how much you're actually paying before you confirm it. I actually called up T-Mobile and talked to John. Thats right fella's. THE JOHN. From T-Mobile. Ya the one who works in the call center? Never heard of him? Either had I.. I said to him, “john, I suggest that you guys change your recording to include how much you're paying before you confirm it. How does that deal sound?” you know what he said? No? Well he said this; “I can't do anything.” Disappointing I know. I bet you were EXPECTING something cool... but I say cool things on MY terms... not YOURS.

****DISCOVER #5****

So I start the game. I can't get ANY Property... All I have is a train station and St. Charles. I Keep getting sent to Jail and I'm pissed. FINALLY I land on 2 other properties that just happened to be spots that OTHER people needed. So making clever bargains I end up with All the train stations. Two of the Purple spots. (go Riverton) and one of the RED spots. Just so happens that my brother needs the red I have, and I need the purple HE has. So we trade. And I instantly put 4 houses on the properties. Game over right there.... all the circled ones have hotels. basically what I'm saying is... I'm cool so give me some money.

Dear Jesse,

A couple of weeks ago i emailed you a picture of the gravesite of my
fish, Neil. I feel that it is now appropriate that I write a follow up
email, since new things have been revealed about the identity of my
cold blooded friends. First, I will include a little background
information. Two christmases ago I had a party at my house, and the
main event was a white elephant exchange. The rule was that you
couldn't spend over two dollars on a gift. So, for my white elephant,
I purchased 2 little fish. i even paid a whole dollar for them instead
of just like 20 cents, because they were the dewormed ones, not just
the feeder fish. They were high quality goldfish, or so i thought.
Well, our dear friend Matt Bury is the one that ended up winning the
coveted prize of the goldfish. He brought them up to school
in the frigid north (Logan), and then in june he left on his mission
and I was asked to babybsit neil and gill for 2 years until he
returned home. well... i got this email from matt bury today.

"So... Word is that Gill is really struggling now that Niel is gone.
By the latest reports he will likely join Niel any day now in the
oceans of Goldfish heaven. I have something to say to Loni. So... you
said you were getting some Neil and Gill number 2's. I don't really
know how to put this, but... they will actually be number 3's. The
original Niel and Gill died a few weeks after I got them and I was too
scared to tell you so I bought Niel and Gill number 2's and covered it
all up. I'm so sorry. But it's time I let you know. Please forgive

My heart is broken. This is just like on Gilmore Girls when Rori and
Marty hide that they knew each other from Marty's new girlfriend Lucy!
I feel deceived.

Loni Jo Pilcher

great stuff. The IRONY, the TENSION. It will make a great story.
Here's the original picture.

Hmm... Ok, one last comment. I'll let this one in... THIS TIME

I just felt the need to share this song because it was silly to me, but first I have to give some background information. The radio stations in St. George...they aren't so good. You have two country stations which aren't so bad, a very bad version of a FM 100 or Kozy, and then there are three stations which all sound a lot like 97.1 ZHT. Other than that, you're choices are pretty much crap. And since my Little Mermaid Cavelier does not have a cd player, I usually scan the radio trying to find something decent to listen too. There are days without even knowing it that I end up on the religious stations (there is this awesome song called 'Me and Jesus' by Stellar Kart that I've grown fond of). Anyway, back to the point of my story. Living in St. George is quite the adventure, for most people there is a huge culture shock. One thing I've noticed since I've lived down here is that just about everyone, i admit that sometimes includes me, likes to make fun of our neighbors in Colorado City, trust me when I say polygamist are always around. Everytime you go to Wal-Mart it's a guarantee that there will be a hold herd of them.
So there was one morning that I was on my way to school and seeing how it was the morning all that was on the radio were morning shows, so I stopped to listen to one of the shows and this man was talking about how he moved here about two years ago and how it was quite a change. Then he continued onto his story about how he made up a little game called, Count the Polygamist. Whenever he goes to Wal-Mart he counts to see how many are there. So he had his friend, who is in a band, write a song about his little game. I thought the song was pretty funny and wanted to pass it on. Click on the following link and listen to the 'Pligs at the Wal-Mart' song. Have a great day! I love you all!

I'll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,


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